Americans love to be entertained. We cast more votes for our favorite American Idol contestant than we do for the President. Do we just shun politics? Or are minors, who can vote in a myriad of ways, making up the majority of these votes? Or is this just down to a question of talent?
Certainly, there is no doubt that talent decides elections. Consider Bill Clinton's saxaphone solo on the Arsenio Hall show, Reagan's acting portfolio, or Bush Sr's one-man acoustical jam live at Red Rocks.
Entertainers have always held our attention in every aspect of the Executive, Legislative and Judicial branches of government. From the OJ Simpson trial to Ahnold the Governator, and Bono to Shirley Temple Black, we can't seem to pull for anyone who doesn't entertain the crap out of us.
In fact, we should just start televising and voting for everything via online surveys, touch-tone phones and text messages. We could even have Seacrest start hosting trials on Court, and allow the American public to vote from home. Jury deliberations could be done by online forum, and filters could be set up so a "Jury of One's Peers" could be established once the final votes are in.
The catch is, we're fickle. We want singing; we want dancing. We want talent, and if you rob a bank then by God you'd better be able to hit that high C. Because we don't care about deterring crime, we just want to be entertained. If we wanted to deter crime, we'd just pay our cops more.
We could even vote for an entire season's criminals' sentences at one time. Just line them up, let them sing in a front of a grand jury of a select few, and those that don't make the cut are executed on the spot. The rest can get a lesser sentence, all the way to "Not Guilty."
Presidential candidates should be held to a higher standard, however. They should compete in some form of caged Death Match melee, where the surviving losers get confined to lesser Cabinet positions. Kind of like lesser demons.
I just know that, when I'm picked up for vagrancy, I've got the Personal Story to at least make it to the semi-finals.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
4 months ago