Tuesday, May 30, 2006

It's Alive! Aliiiiiive!

Our long-awaited project is finally going live. I like to compare our project to Frankenstein's monster: it's a conglomerate of different code bases, third-party tools and abnormal brains that only a year and half of meetings about meetings could accomplish. But amazingly, it has all come together to form one uber-program that will hopefully transform the face of the world, giving me and my brethren co-workers one more shot at World Domination. So far our project has only thrown one innocent girl into a pond. Not too shabby!

Our project is nicknamed "Cosmo," and it's sole purpose is to destroy all humans. It will do this by continuously calling, emailing, faxing and mailing you offers to buy different versions of movies that Hollywood continues to remake, as well as Hip Hop songs featuring stolen basslines and rhythms from only the most popular songs on the market. The Mary J. Blige module is by far my favorite. The goal is to make everyone dumb by repeating the same crap over and over until nobody thinks of innovation. The goal is to make everyone dumb by repeating the same crap over and over until nobody thinks of innovation. The goal... well, you get the point.

My contribution is The Four Feathers module. My grandfather loved the original and first two remakes of The Four Feathers, so I decided to put all of my time and effort into reincarnating this majestic cash cow once again. Somewhat coincidentally, I found a version with Heath Ledger (gay cowbody #1 in Brokedick Mountain) that almost sucked the life right out of me, as most of Heath Ledger's movies seem to do. I immediately contacted its publishers and was able to incorporate it into our project. Welcome, SkyNet! You've got mail!

I hope our project is a success. To rev up for today's Go Live, I have reviewed an article covering the Top 25 Worst Tech Products of All Time and did not see Cosmo, so it must be pretty good. I hope you agree.

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