Friday, June 09, 2006

How to Blog, by Bobby

Blogging is a talent, like cow punching, but if you don't have the talent you can still learn pretty easily. Here are some blogging secrets that I have learned in my tenure as head blogger.

First, create a free blog at Blogger.com or another (and most likely inferior) service.

Next, find something interesting, like donkey bombs. Then explore the topic to its fullest: What is a donkey bomb? How do I get one? Do I have to feed the donkey before it explodes, and if so, what is the best type of donkey food? What types of objects will a donkey bomb asplode?

You should also explore controversial topics to get people talking about your blog. You will want to avoid old and boring controversial topics like abortion, the war in Iraq, nuclear proliferation, veal and religion - nobody cares about those anymore. Find something that will stimulate water cooler talk, such as whether or not it is okay to email people in your book club your thoughts on the ending of a particular book when you know that half of the book club either did not read it (but wants to!) or is 3/4 of the way through.

Finally, you need a way to keep your readers interested. One way to do this is by posting naked pictures of adult female humans all over your blog. I have tried to do this in the past but somehow I always get too distracted to actually follow through. Another way of keeping your readers interested is by writing intriguing lines, such as "Sally, Jessie and Raphael took Tuesday Night Fights to a new level when they jumped in the inflatable pool full of jello."

I hope that I have helped and encouraged you to blog. Now get out there and do your worst.

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