How hard is it to find a friggin bagel in this city? All I want is a schmere of some damn cream cheese!
Instead we went to 'Wichcraft, which I guess is a cross between Sandwich and Warcraft. I had a cinnamon roll. We ate this mess in Bryant Park, where we blissfully missed Mary J. Blige by mere hours.
Next we hit the MoMA. For those of you not in the know, the MoMA stands for the 'Museum of Modern crAp.' We saw a couple of Claude Monet's work, such as "Clouds Reflecting on the Water-Lily Pond," which was breathtaking. After taking a breath, we moved on to the Picassos. We also discussed The Starry Night by Van Gogh in great detail with some foreigners. "Did Jew Know" that Jackson Pollock was a pioneer in the Finger Painting frontier? And also that Andy Warhol's favorite Cambell's Soup can was the Baked Beans and Potato Flambe?
We also saw some "DADA" work, which included machines rebuilt as art, and that song "I'm Going to Disneyland."
One of the greatest paintings we saw, though, was a huge canvas painted red. That's right, the whole canvas was red. This intellectual mind-blow was only surpassed by the canvas that was painted black. Of course, the canvas that was blue really took me by surprise. Modern art is stupid.
We also went to the Guggenheim. The Goog is a really neat-looking museum. Inside was some stuff by some person that we'd never heard of. Way to go, you made it to the Goog! Check that one off our list.
We walked down 5th Avenue, went to Tiffany's, and hit the "must see" Starbucks at Trump Towers. I got a Frapp. We then ate at Ruby Foo's, where we ate Lettuce Wraps, Pad Thai, Kung Pow chicken, pork flied lice - all dat and Dim Sum!
The NBC Studio Tour in Rockefeller Center was incredible. We saw the studios where Dateline, Nightly News, NBC Sports, and Saturday Night Live are filmed. Betty got a guest spot as a Nightly News anchor. I was the camera man - I got a lot of compliments on my camera work. Just call me Ron Burgundy.
We walked through Central Park and met a nice woman with a humongous poodle. The Jamba Juice place was just as high-energy as SNL made it out to be. Taj Restaurant and L'Angola Cafe were fun, except for when we got kicked out. And I'd like to thank Nina and Ralph for all of their hospitality.
The subway is continuing to entertain us. We met a woman who refuses to go back on the subway because someone flashed her. I'm happy that she didn't recognize me. We took the Grand Central Station subway - it was just as packed as everyone makes it out to be.
Tomorrow we have a full day planned. We are going to Little Italy and China Town, where we plan on buying a lot of knock-offs for really cheap. I want some mistranslated video games. We're also going to Lombardi's Pizzeria, the oldest pizzeria in the nation. We may do the harbor tour, but who knows. I can't feel my legs, and I think my lower back is still hurting from the incident with my "favorite seat."
The Existential Terror of Battle Royale
5 weeks ago