Monday, June 26, 2006

NYC, Day 6: Yank This!

Today we went to Regis and Kelly, but Reege wasn't there. Instead, Carson Kressler from Queer Eye co-hosted. The girls thought he was "fabulous." Carson told us that they changed the name of the show from "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" to just plain "Queer Eye." I guess not enough of us breeders were willing to go on the show.

Hilary Duff of Duff Beer fame was a guest, then Def Leppard performed. Def Leppard's one-armed drummer was awesome! Their thrice-armed guitarist was pretty cool, too. During the break, DL's lead singer told Kelly that he almost forgot the words while watching her dance erotically to "Pour Some Sugar on Me," and Carson told some guy in the audience that he wanted to make out with him. I politely declined.

Next we hit the Barnes and Noble, where bathroom break #1 occurred. I saw a midget outside the bathroom... he wasn't sporting a mullet, but it was still incredible. He was a gangsta midget, but the bathrooms were by the kids section, so it was hard to take him seriously while he was holding "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish."

We also took pictures of the Loews Theatre on 68th and Broadway, as mentioned in SNL's "Lazy Sunday." Snack attack MF! Then we passed by "Yum Yum Bangkok 1" thru "Yum Yum Bangkok 3." They have a 2 for 1 Happy Ending.

We had some time to kill before lunch at Tavern on the Green, so we stopped at an Italian sports bar by Madison Square Garden and watched some of the Italy / Australia World Cup game. I kept yelling, "Gooooooooal!" and running around with my shirt over my head, but when we left the game was still 0-0.

Our Barnes and Noble bathroom break #2, sponsored by Frommer's, was excellent. You may not want to go in there for a while.

Next we went back to the apartment, while the girls napped and I watched the Switzerland / Ukraine game on the Spanish channel. Then it was off to take the subway to the Yankees game, where they beat the Braves 5-2. We sat by a retired umpire who chatted it up with us the entire game, and even argued with some of the calls. Giambi hit two home runs to drive in 5 runs, and Chipper Jones hit a 2-run homer late in the game. Some kids kept yelling, "Juice One, Giambi!" and we kept telling them, "Giambi likes steroids, not juice!"

But the highlight of our day was seeing Derek Jeter on the subway. I thought he would be taller. And male. But he's really a small, blonde-haired girl with Keds. His shirt said Jeter. It Jeter's birthday, so he's probably out partying hard while I write this blog alone and in the dark, sitting in the nude, as always.

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