Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Caffeinated Humor: Point of Contact for Coffee Service (High Priority)

This is an actual email I received from somebody at work. I usually try to keep work out of my blogs but this was just too hilarious to not post. This was marked as high priority, which makes it all the more fun.

From: (Name Withheld)
Sent: Tuesday, August 29, 2006 2:10 PM
To: (Company)
Subject: Point of Contact for Coffee Service
Priority: Urgent

Dear all of my fellow coworkers, friends, family, interns and those of you still left on this email list, including but not limited to Ladies and Gents,

All though “accounts payables” (i.e.. (Name Withheld) as well as several other people in Fiscal of whom you may or may not have known were working in this area) is now “responsible” for paying the River Road Coffee invoices, I am still the point of contact for “the” coffee service, which encompasses all areas deriving from your enjoyment of obtaining free coffee, such as refilling the “carafes,” stocking “enough” creams, and getting all the pink packages of “sugar” for all of you who are “watching” your waistlines. If you have any questions, inquiries, wry and/or sarcastic comments, or complaints, please forward them directly to me. I will “handle” them as soon as possible.

Also, I am aware that the coffee supplies are very low right now. This is due to an inordinate amount of caffeination on the part of our “friends” on the first floor. I am trying to contact our coffee rep so that he can come and refill them, but he has yet to respond to my twelve-part email essay on the vicissitudes of coffee beans. He usually comes the first week of the month. He makes every effort to leave enough supplies to last until his next visit. I “assist” him in this “effort” when needed. Please keep in mind that at certain times of the year, of which Spring is my preferred season, we have more activities going on and the coffee supplies may run out quicker. You may want to invest in some Instant Coffee at home. I use Café Francais, which will hereby be known as Café Freedom. I will do “my best” to determine when our “busy times” are and have him leave more “supplies” during those times. This goes for the guy who stocks the toilet paper in the bathroom as well. If you see that we are out of something please email or call me and let me know. I will get him out here as soon as possible to “refill us.”

Your patience and cooperation with this is greatly appreciated.

Thank You

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