Monday, August 28, 2006

Drilling for Fire

Getting school children to go outside during a fire drill is easy, because they know they're getting out of class for that time. And who doesn't want to skip class?

But getting your coworkers out of the building for a fire drill is another thing entirely. For one thing, time not spent in the office just means there will be work to bring home. So in order to have a calm and orderly fire drill, sometimes extreme measures have to be taken. Take, for instance, my email to my coworkers, as I am the person responsible for making sure everyone evacuates in case of fire. (Pretty scary, isn't it?!)

I just want to remind everyone that there is a fire drill tomorrow at 9 AM. This drill is just to get everyone acquainted with the procedure of how to evacuate during an actual fire alarm, like say, someone sets the Lawyers or Insurance agencies in our building on fire. This is a real possibility - everyone knows that pyros hate lawyers.

This being said, you will evacuate calmly and joyously down the stairs, and we will meet in the rear of the parking lot. Do not go to the trash bins. Do not go to the front. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

Any stragglers will be forcefully moved. On a related note, please finish your bathroom business before 9 AM.

Also, do not use the elevators. Anyone who has trouble with the stairs will need to stand inside the stairwell. If you have any issues with going down the stairs, please let me know now so I can make a special note on my list.

Thank you for your cooperation. If we don’t have a good time on this we’ll have to do it again, and we won’t get a heads-up. Then it will basically be like a real fire. So no shoving lawyers and insurance agents down the stairs, no blocking the door of DHH, and no ransacking the third floor while the rest of the build evacuates. Your consideration and cooperation are greatly appreciated.

PLEASE TAKE THIS FIRE DRILL SERIOUSLY!


Just another heads up to all two of you at work who read my blog: if you are in the bathrooms at 9, I'm pulling you out of the stall by your feet if need be. That's how we roll at the Tanory Tantrum!

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