Tuesday, August 22, 2006

The Making of Modern Art

My vacation to New York not only inspired me to create the Tanory Tantrum Food Club (of which the latest installment is to DiGuilio Brother's in honor of Jerry the Microsoft Guy), but it also inspired my inner-artist.

While in New York we visited the Museum of Modern Art. Four of the pieces in this museum were just canvases painted a single color. There was a red canvas, a blue one, a black and a white. I am proud to announce that I have improved upon this idea, and have upgraded the medium from Canvas to Wood.

I know this is daring - some would even say reckless - but that's how we roll at the Tanory Tantrum. We are always looking to go above and beyond. Take, for instance, our Shock Tank battle to settle a dispute that normal people would have settled simply by beating the crap out of each other. We are true pioneers in our field. Thanks again, Reba, for the Shock Tanks!

So when my wife and I were painting our shelves and I was instructed to "paint like the dickens," I thought, why not add a modern touch to my woodcraft? Why shouldn't I shun Realism, Romanticism and Rococo when I have Modern Art at my disposal?

Thus began my journey from the top left side of a shelf to the bottom right, using soft strokes of a paint brush as my mode of transportation. Two coats, let dry, turn and repeat. As easy as burning eggs.

Of course, painting outside at night is not a very smart thing to do. For one thing, bugs are stupid and will get stuck in the paint. That is what occurred with our paint job. I picked every single bug out and am going to repaint the shelves later today, because my wife will not use these shelves if there is even the chance of one single bug gut left on the surface. Personally, I think it brings gravitas to my work.

I did, however, leave the gigantic lizard stuck on one shelf, as I think it'll look really cool when it's painted. It'll be like 3D! Maybe I'll make the Museum of Modern Art!

No comments: