The Miss America pageant is trying to find a new home after being dropped by Country Music Television. Man, you must really suck if CMT doesn't want you. Or is it that you must really suck to be on CMT? Maybe both.
The Miss America pageant isn't the same thing as the Miss USA pageant. I don't know what the difference is - I think Miss America is the one who always wants world peace, and Miss USA is the one who is a lesbian and showed her ta-tas in Vegas. Did that really happen or am I just daydreaming again?
Since Miss America is being dumped because she's not getting any ratings, here are a couple of suggestions for spicing the pageant up.
1. Make it a reality TV show. Americans will watch anything if it's labeled "reality." It could be like America's Next Top Model, but Donald Trump could fire one girl every night. Or he could marry one each night. Then I guess it would be like The Bachelor. His new wife would be in charge of fluffing his toupee before every show.
2. Instead of answering questions and displaying a talent, have them get straight to the swimsuit competition and wrestle in Jello or box. Boobies and violence are great for ratings.
3. Have only Randy Jackson, Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell judge each contestant based on marketability.
Honestly, I think the problem with these competitions is that each of these girls wants world peace. I for one am just not buying it. I want to hear Miss Wyoming get up and say, "I feel the world would be a better place if we would nuke Iran."
And if that did happen, the Miss America pageant would definitely be back on CMT, indefinitely.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago