Wednesday, February 27, 2008

American Idol Promises to Switch It Up

American Idol on Wednesday announced plans to "switch it up." What exactly are they switching up and why? Our investigators got the behind-the-scenes scoop!

Our source, who asked to remain anonymous, told us, "If I'm being honest, we have a gender issue on our show. We have one male contestant who is a total wanker and we have a female contestant who has a larger set of bullocks than all of the other male contestants combined. So we're going to switch it up."

Researching further, it appears that if Danny Noriega and Amanda Overmyer both make it through to next week then each will sing on the night that the opposite sex sings.

"I'm not trying to be rude, but Danny Noriega is the Sassy Gay of the group, and he fits in more with the ladies. It's like when Elton John sang 'The Bitch is Back' with Tina Turner in VH1's Divas in 1999."

As for Overmyer, Simon - er, our anonymous source - said he "really, really likes her but wished she would stop injecting herself with testosterone and horse adrenaline."

If the switch is successful, American Idol may make future changes. For instance, instead of kicking off the contestant with the least number of votes, each state might end up getting a certain number of delegates who will vote on behalf of everyone in the state, much like the presidential elections.

Another possible change would be to switch up how contestants are kicked off the show. Instead of having the one person with the least amount of votes getting kicked off, the two contestants with the least amount of votes might fight each other in a cage. This showing of American Idol could take place on a Friday, which would follow the Results Show, which typically takes place on Thursday, thus spreading American Idol's schedule to even more days out of the week.

But first things first. Says our source, "We're first going to start with putting the Sassy Gay where he belongs and then we'll go from there."

You heard it here first.

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