On Saturday Betty and I went to a class at Woman's Hospital called "Breastfeeding Basics." It was as much fun as it sounds, and more!
For those of you who know nothing about breasts, breasts are not simply happy fun bags that you get to play with anytime you want to. Your significant other has probably already informed you of this on several occasions.
Actually, breasts (otherwise known as boobies or ta-tas, as they are technically known) are there to provide milk for babies.
Mother's milk is good for babies for several reasons. First, it has all the nutrients a baby needs. Second, a mother's milk passes antibodies - which fight off diseases, like colds, smallpox, and homosexuality - to the baby, so the baby can fight off diseases more easily. Third, when a woman is breastfeeding, her boobies get bigger - and that's good for everybody.
The breastfeeding class was very informative. We learned how to stimulate milk production, how to correctly hold the baby so it will latch on, how and when to burp the baby, which bottles to use, and how to shoot milk across the room by using the thumb and forefinger to apply pressure to the areola.
So, onto the question that's really on all of your minds: did I see ta-tas? The answer is a resounding yes.
During the class, a video is shown several times. This video was apparently shot in the early 80's, because every woman had bangs, a mullet, and colorful shorts with black leggings. No joke. All of these women also had breasts, and they all showed them to us so we could understand how to properly breastfeed the baby. I thought the video was very informative and acted mature throughout the entire class, but I can't say the same for Betty. Oh, okay, I might have made one or ten off-color remarks about needing cream for my coffee, but what did you expect?
If you are pregnant and thinking of breastfeeding, or if you're not sure if you want to breastfeed, I urge you to take this class. Bring your baby daddy along - tell him he'll see some boobs. That's what Betty did for me and it worked just fine. Just don't tell him about the mullets and black leggings.
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