Me and my little one had such a great day today! And by "my little one" I of course mean my LSU Garden Gnome.
Betty gave me this beautiful classic figurine as kind of an inverse "pushing present." Apparently I've impressed her with my mad fathering skillz so much that she felt the need to rush out and get me something. And of course I've always wanted an LSU Garden Gnome. Who doesn't?
I named him Gnome Chomsky. Look how cute we are together! Just always be sure to support his head while you hold him.
Since we just landscaped around our patio we thought we'd let Gnome Chomsky keep an eye on things outside. Now, even if I'm inside or away from the house, my garden gnome can Tiger Bait the crap out of stray cats, dogs and joggers. Is there anything more aggravating than people exercising?! Ugh!
We thought the gnome might get lonely out there all by himself at night, so we gave him a companion in the form of this awesome LSU stepping stone that our friends gave us at our patio party. See how Gnome Chomsky watches over it so diligently?
Some people have statues of the Virgin Mary in their yard (aka, Yard Maries), but we have the divine power of a tiny wizened mythical creature backed by the awesome power of the LSU Fightin' Tigahs. I hope you Tulane and Southern fans on my street are taking note.
Warning: I cannot promise you that Gnome Chomsky will show restraint or mercy upon your pet if it wanders into my garden. If you do not want your dog or cat, who routinely urinates on my Knockout Roses, to be torn to smitherines, you might want to invest in the female LSU Garden Gnome and try to divert Gnome Chomsky's attention with it. The choice is yours.
Sorry, joggers, but the gnome will be less lenient with you.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
4 months ago