Friday, April 18, 2008

Milk Drunk

After a baby suckles merrily upon a mother's breast, the baby can go into a state known as being "milk drunk." Milk drunkeness is identified as looking satisfied, being very sleepy and having a MAC (Milk/Alcohol Content) greater than .08.

In reality it's like being drunk for realsies but without the hangover or beer goggles.

In order for a baby to get milk drunk you have to have three things in place.

First and foremost there has to be a mommy with huge milk-producing hoo-hoos. My wife is fulfilling this requirement so much that I've dubbed her the Milk Truck. "Here comes the milk truck!" might just be Anne's first words. If at all possible you need to get the baby to drink from both hoo-hoos, because everyone knows that a 2-for-1 Happy Hour at Cafe Mom is the best place to get milk drunk.

Next you have to keep the baby up long enough to be fully satisfied in a single feeding. Sometimes Anne will doze off in the middle of feeding, and that's where Big Daddy comes in. I tickle her feet, zerbert her side, or read excerpts from my Tanory Tantrum Potty Book (which is still in the works).

Lastly, you need to make sure that your baby has a safe and secure place in which to be milk drunk. The best practice is to have a designated swaddler, as you never want your baby to attempt complex folding patterns while under the influence of milk.

Remember, your baby needs that booby milk - it passes vitamins to your baby and helps build up his or her immune system - and your baby is in no danger of becoming a Boobaholic. Just be careful because we can't say the same for Da Da....

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