Being a dad is a lot of fun. My only complaint is that the baby's stuff always seems to have such feminine names. I feel so emasculated saying some of these words out loud.
Noonie? Boppy? Diapy? Gimme a break. We need to "man" these names up!
Here is my list of items with their corresponding new awesome names. Henceforth shall these terms be known! I've even included an example of how you can use these new terms in a fun and exciting way.
1. NuNu / Noonie: Bionic Nipple
When the baby is crying, launch a recently sterilized bionic nipple from its home base of planet Nip-ton. As it flies through the air it should make sounds like "Zzzz!" and "Sssssccchhhheeeewwww!" For the best results, a disembodied voice should narrate the bionic nipple's descent from orbit into your baby's mouth.
2. Onesie: Action Suit
At night our baby is mild mannered Anne Louise. But if she senses trouble during the day she finds the nearest phone booth (or lacking phone booths now that everyone has cell phones, she finds her baby crib) and puts on her action suit, becoming... SUPER BABY! Her special powers include screaming loud enough to blow out her enemy's eardrums and using her bottom as a poozooka.
3. Boppy: Giant Toilet Seat Monster
Blaaargh! I am the Giant Toilet Seat Monster! I look like a giant toilet seat! Blaaargh!
4. Dirty Diaper: Hand Grenade
I think this one is self-explanatory. But for more fun with dirty diapers, don your paintball gear and launch an unholy attack on your arch-nemeses.
5. Doody: Fire in the Hole!
If you're not already yelling this out when your baby is about to make an explosion, shame on you. That's like not calling "Fore!" when you just hit a golf ball into a crowd of old people wearing checkered pants.
I hope I've helped you to become more creative when playing with your baby. If you have any other manly terms for mundane or girly-named inanimate objects, please leave a comment.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
4 months ago