Sunday, July 20, 2008

Gnome-man's Land

Back in April I wrote about my garden gnome, Gnome Chomsky. In that particular blog I gave a warning to the pet owners on my street - particularly to the people whose pets were urinating in my Knockout Roses - that they may want to invest in the female LSU Garden Gnome to try to divert Gnome Chomsky's attention away from their piddling pets. Otherwise, I warned them, who knows what my gnome might do to their pets. My gnome is bat shit crazy.

And as it turns out, someone did get me the female LSU Garden Gnome! Check it out!

[Picture: Hot Gnome Love]

Now, it could very well be that this female garden gnome, whom we call Gnomesha, was attracted to Gnome Chomsky based on his obvious attractive qualities, including his luscious beard, his fervor for LSU, and his large pointy hat. Or it could be that someone strategically placed Gnomesha in my garden specifically to distract Gnome Chomsky for the purposes of allowing their pet to urinate freely in my garden.

Either way, Gnome Chomsky's job performance has been severely affected by the presence of this female gnome tart. Just look at this turtle that snuck into the bushes and laid eggs in my Azaleas. This would have never happened pre-Gnomesha!

[Picture: Peeping Turtle]

The turtle's grin says it all, mainly that this turtle is a Peeping Tom. But I can't blame it - if I saw two gnomes getting it on in my back yard, it would be hard not to watch. My hundreds of hours of homemade back yard gnome porn speaks for itself.

So I guess the purpose of this blog post is to simply say be careful what you wish for - you just might get it. I wished for a female LSU Garden Gnome and got it, and now instead of having two guards for my garden, I have a 24/7 gnome peep show going on in my back yard.

[Picture: Close-up of the two Gnome love birds]

And to think, she looked so innocent on Amazon's website.

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