Now that Betty and I have our own bikes we've decided to start our own biker gang. You can join if you want, but you'll need to hurry - we've already started recruiting people and spots on our posse are few and far between. So far it's me, Betty, Anne, two seven year old girls from down the block, and a five year old boy with his own motorbike. He's the muscle of the group.
My bike is a Huffy Tundra so I can't do any cool tricks - or even basic tricks, like popping a wheelie - without fear of my bike collapsing around me. So I just sit cool and pretend to be pedaling 2 miles an hour on purpose.
Anne rides shotgun in Betty's bike. We don't have a helmet for Anne yet so she's only ridden once or twice, but once the helmet we ordered online comes in, Anne's going to get in some serious bike time.
Before we bought these bikes, the only bikes I had been on in the past 4 years were the stationary bikes at the gym. And I only used those two or three times before deciding that even going to the gym was too much effort.
And before that, the only other time I've ridden a bike in the last 15 years was on our honeymoon when we biked down Mount Haleakala in Maui. And I didn't really even have to pedal on that ride - I just held on for dear life while gravity did it's thing.
I think about all of this as I ponder whether or not to crank my bike into third gear. I'm not too sure about it - my handle bars already look like they're going to fall off. Better not chance it.
We pass by another group of children on bikes who are surrounding another middle-aged man who's also riding a cheap Huffy Tundra. We look each other in the eyes, sizing each other up, trying to determine if we each need to show off our mad bike skillz. Both of us hope the other chickens out, because our bikes can't take the beating. But after a few minutes his group passes ours with no issues.
That's right, biatch. This is my street.
If you own a bike and want to be in our bike gang, please drop me a line and we'll swing by one afternoon and pick you up. Mountain bikers, seven speed bikers, ten speed bikers, and bikers with training wheels are all welcome. We aren't snobby about our bikes, unlike those bastards in the other neighborhood.
Just make sure you wear a helmet if you ride with us, because if I ever do attempt to do a wheelie and fall off my bike, you need to make sure that you're fully protected if I fall on top of you. You've been warned.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago