I hope everyone had a very happy Easter! We sure did - it was my daughter's first Easter and we made the most out of it.
Betty wanted to tell my daughter Anne about how Jesus was crucified and died on Good Friday then rose from the dead on Easter Sunday, but I thought that was a little too morbid for a one year old. So instead we decided to give Anne a first-hand look at how our family celebrates Easter every year, and to explain our traditions and culture.
First, I dressed up in a pink bunny outfit that I bought at "Here Today, Gone Tomorrow" thrift store in Baton Rouge for $2.75. Next, Betty and I strolled Anne down the block to a house with a large cement basket adorning the lawn. (Seriously, these people have a two ton cement basket sitting in their front lawn for no apparent reason other than to bring down the land value of everyone around them. It doesn't just sit out there for Easter - it's out there the entire year.)
Next, Betty held Anne while I hopped around the cement basket. With every hop I hid an Easter egg, explaining to Anne how I hid candy in the plastic eggs and that ants would descend upon the house in a bloodthirsty rage for chocolate. The ants, I explained, would be drawn from our lawn and into the neighbor's, and would bite the owners of the house while they were tending to their ridiculously large cement basket lawn ornament.
Next, I hopped in the middle of the cement Easter basket, where I unbuttoned the back of the bunny costume and deposited a nice, brown chocolate bunny for the owners of the house to find later.
Finally, while strolling Anne back to our house I explained how Jesus died for our sins, and that made it perfectly OK for me to crap in our neighbor's decorative cement basket while donning a pink bunny outfit. True, Jesus only forgives those who are genuinely sorry, but now that my vile act was over, I was deeply sorry that I had done it. I figured that someone might be able to get a DNA sample from it and trace it back to me, and for that I was sorry.
So what did Anne learn on her first Easter? She learned a little about Jesus, a few things about the Easter bunny, and a lot about respecting your neighbors.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
2 months ago