Thursday, April 16, 2009

The New Afghan Sex Laws

Afghanistan has some new (yet pending) sex laws which give husbands the right to demand sex from their wives every four days. Naturally, Afghan women and most of the rest of the world are against this new law.

I'm against this law as well, but not because it degrades women. I'm against it because I don't think there's enough sex involved.

All I'm saying is that if I were the author of this law then it would be sex ALL DAY EVERY DAY, and I'd throw in a sub-clause for new and varied positions once every 12 days. My sex law would state that lingerie must be worn at least one day a week for the entire day, and I would also decree that purchases of Victoria's Secret crotchless panties and wonder-bras be made tax-deductible.

Why not throw in a stipulation that Best Buy give all men a 10% discount on video cameras and big screen TVs? That way if someone's too tired to have sex then at least they could watch past sexual exploits on a 1080p 240 Hz 52" Sony Bravia flat screen.

What's that you say? I'm a male chauvinist? Not so. I bet my wife would be all for it.

Currently I do demand sex every waking minute - and sometimes in my sleep - although I'm denied 99.9999% of the time. If my wife could limit me to demanding sex once every four days, then she would only have to reject my advances 91.25 times out of the year instead of 525,600 times. (That's one denial for every minute of every day, not including the extra few minutes which add up to a fourth of a leap day.)

So maybe this new law is a step in the right direction for women after all. Hey, at least the women will get to spend at least one day a week not hidden under a burka!

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