Betty and I are at my parents' house for the weekend. We're waiting for my sister and her boyfriend, John Bobby, to show up, and were thinking up fun things to do over the weekend when I came up with this brilliant idea:
Let's haze John Bobby.
My plan is to make him think that he and I are going to bunk up tonight. My parents' house has four bedrooms, and we can tell John Bobby that my dad will sleep in my parents' room, my mom will sleep on the couch because of my dad's snoring, my daughter Anne will need her own room so she can sleep, and then that leaves two rooms for me, Betty, my sister and John Bobby.
But my sister and John Bobby can't sleep in the same room. At least not right under my parents' noses.
So Betty and my sister can shack up together, and that leaves me and John Bobby to the last room.
After telling John Bobby this, the plan was for me to take off all of my clothes, tell John Bobby that I have a gland problem and sweat profusely, then also say that I have some kind of skin fungus or fleas or something so he should probably sleep under the covers and I'll sleep on top of the covers so that my disgusting sweating and fungus doesn't keep him up.
I thought it was a brilliant plan, but it all hinged on one tiny element: my mother would have to tell John Bobby about the sleeping arrangements. If I told him then he'd know it was a joke. My mom's just too nice... surely she wouldn't lie about such things, right?
But wouldn't you know it, my mother likes John Bobby too much to join in on my evil schemes. Plus she kept laughing when she rehearsed her lines.
So I guess I'm winging it tonight. I don't know how I'm going to tell John Bobby about the sleeping arrangement, take off all of my clothes and take a picture of his face at the same time, but I'll do my best.
Wish me luck.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago