Friday, June 26, 2009

Farewell to Two Legends

Farewell to two legends: Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett.

Michael Jackson taught me three things: that grabbing my crotch and squealing like a girl could have a lasting impact on how people remember me; that maybe I'm a black guy living inside a white guy, much like he turned white over the years; and that however crooked my nose ever gets, I should just be happy that it doesn't melt in extreme heat.

I owned Michael Jackson's "Thriller" album when I was a kid. I had it on tape. I played it, along with my Cheap Trick and Bangles albums, at least once a day. One time I even set up a length-sized mirror in my room and stared longingly into it as I sang "Man in the Mirror" to myself.

I also really like "Black and White" by Michael Jackson. I like how the faces morphed in the video... it was kind of like a mini-biography of Michael.

I loved Michael Jackson... until he started sleeping with kids, of course.

Okay, so he might not have been fondling the kids he slept with, groping them or plying them with alcohol - and then again, he might have been - but it's just wrong for a grown man to sleep with a child anyway, unless you're rocking your kid to sleep and just fall asleep yourself after a long day at work.

But I don't just blame Michael for that. I never understood the parents of the kids who were allowed to spend the night with Michael, especially after the initial rumors came out.

He burnt his hair while filming a Pepsi commercial, and to this day I still drink water at restaurants when they ask if Pepsi is OK instead of Coke.

Speaking of hair, I would have taken Michael's side in the whole "I don't 'sleep' with kids I just sleep with kids" argument if he hadn't cut his hair for one of his videos to look like a woman. Something about that just bothers me to my core.

So anyway, it's time to buy the Thriller album again. Maybe I'll buy the Cheap Trick and Bangles albums, too.

I don't really know much about Farrah Fawcett except that she was hot and that she died of anal cancer. But anyone who films their life as they struggle to cope with cancer, much less ANAL CANCER, is a hero in my book. I think I'd rather have countless surgeries on my face, have my skin change color and have a monkey as my best friend than get anal cancer.

Anal cancer.

So goodbye to these two great legends, and may their friends and families find peace.

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