Friday, June 19, 2009

The Spider Bite of Doom

I went to the After Hours clinic for a spider bite, and now I think I'm in danger of losing my testicles.

It all started Thursday when I was outside with my daughter....

My daughter and I were saying hi to the dog next door, when all of a sudden I felt a sharp pinch on the back of my calf. I slapped at the area and didn't think twice about it, but later that night a red welt formed.

Over the course of the next 24 hours, the skin around the bite slowly grew red in color. At first there was just about a centimeter of reddish skin, but after a full day the redness extended past an inch radius. I showed the bite to my wife who promptly sent me to the After Hours clinic.

The nice people at the After Hours clinic decided to give me a steroid shot. I've always shied away from steroids because of the nasty habit of shrinking people's testicles. But when a semi-cute nurse tells you to show her your left cheek, you do what the nurse tells you.

Immediately after administering the shot, the nurse told me that I had to sign a form because, in her words, "we don't like to give this shot more than once a month."

It would have been nice to know that prior to getting the shot, because I got a Cortisone shot barely a week before. Cortisone is also a steroid.

So basically, I've had two steroid shots in the past week and a half. I'm worried about my testicles losing their mass, and to be honest, I would have rather lost my leg to this bug bite than lose my balls.

It's a man thing.

In writing this blog I've also been doing some research on why steroid shots are effective and why they can be dangerous in large doses. There are articles about the left ventricle thickening and causing heart damage, articles about suppressing the immune system, and most importantly, articles about shrinking testicles.

All this heartache over a teeny tiny spider bite.

It's the spider bite of doom!

If you or someone you know is a doctor, please leave a comment or email me with reassurances that my testicles are in good hands. (Yes, that was a pun, and yes, it was extremely funny.)

1 comment:

Aaron Corcoran said...

A friend of mine was just bittin by a black widow. Pretty crazy...i always held such a big fear of spiders.