Saturday, July 25, 2009

Alien Abduction

I believe that some form of alien life exists, but I don't believe anyone who says they were abducted and probed by aliens.

It all comes down to what tools the aliens would have at their disposal. In the old days it was thought that if aliens ever abducted humans then they would take one male and one female, put them in some kind of overgrown terrarium and wait for them to mate. The hope of all geeks everywhere was that one of us squat, odd-looking men would get captured along with a supermodel or two.

That dream alone is driving the entire SETI project.

But I think that dream is now dead. The reality of it is, aliens would have too much other information at their disposal. Science books, HBO or the Internet would fill them in on the human reproduction system much faster than simply putting two people in a cage and waiting for them to get it on.

So when someone says they've been abducted and probed by aliens, I'm skeptical. It seems to me that aliens would rather watch any one of the 90% of web sites devoted to random sex acts than abduct some country bumpkin and shove a hose up his corn hole.

So this is my plea to all intelligent extraterrestrial life everywhere: humans don't know everything there is to know about ourselves, so just reading our books or watching our Internet porn isn't going to tell you everything you need to know about us. Go back to abducting men and women, putting them in some kind of zoo environment and making them mate. Oh, and while you're abducting people, you might want to abduct a water bed or two.

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