Thursday was Betty's and my fifth anniversary. But unfortunately for me, I did not get to "celebrate" in the usual fashion because, earlier in the day, I had nearly killed my wife in a kayaking accident.
We had been kayaking once before at the Baton Rouge beach on LSU's campus, and we loved it. At the time, the kayak we used was a two-seater, so Betty and I glided along the serene surface of the man-made lake with no fears. We knew that if we somehow managed to tip over that we'd be within arms reach of each other, and we also knew that if one person got tired then the other person could row for a bit. Our only concern at the time was that one of the geese at the Baton Rouge beach would viciously attack us, as those things are evil and crave human flesh.
But in Perdido, we had much more to worry about than evil geese.
At the beach we rented two kayaks, and we took them out at possibly the worst time of the day. The waves were huge, the breakers were vicious, and other people were jetskiing, boating and parasailing around us. The wake of these other crafts just added to the amount of waves that were constantly trying to knock us out of our kayaks.
Betty went out first and floated atop three monster waves. We all cheared. I went out next and furiously paddled my way to where she was. We got so used to the big waves that we stopped noticing them, and we paddled our way up and down the beach.
All was well until we tried to come back into shore. This is a very dangerous chore not only for the kayakers but for the people on the beach. If a wave picks up your kayak and launches you into the shore, you could smash a kid or get knocked out yourself. So my sister and her boyfriend waded out into the Gulf to help us off.
Betty wanted to get off first. She stopped paddling around where my sister was, and I kept paddling around. Finally I turned around to face them, but the current swept me into position right behind Betty's kayak. Then a big wave crashed right on top of me, launching me into Betty's back - not the back of her kayak, but into her back.
I thought I had hit her in the head, and thought she might have been knocked out or had a concussion. But I couldn't help her, because the same wave that knocked me into her sent me flying off my kayak. My sister and her boyfriend went to help Betty, but Betty had ridden that big wave right into the shore. She was fine - except her back was sore and she might have whiplash.
As for me, all of my jokes during the day about calling a kayak a "kak" now seemed very unfunny. Except, I kept thinking that I had just smacked my wife on her back with my "kak" on our anniversary. That was a funny thought, until I realized that I would probably not get to "celebrate" our anniversary until possibly our next anniversary.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago