It's been a few days since I've written a blog, but you'll have to forgive me - I've been contemplating life on the top of a mountain.
My "thinking mountain" was Stone Mountain, a chunk of granite about 1,650 feet high and about an hour's drive from Atlanta, GA. One of Stone Mountain's main attractions is a giant engraving of Stonewall Jackson, Robert E. Lee and Jefferson Davis riding on horses, right smack dab in the middle of the mountain.
It's basically the Mount Rushmore of the Confederacy.
The engraving is apparently the largest bas relief sculpture in the world. Take that, World's Largest Frying Pan!
In fact, legend has it that Stone Mountain got its intricate carving because some drunk dude back in 1912 was all like, "Hey, wouldn't it be cool if 'Stonewall Jackson' was on a stone wall, get it?" And then some other dude was like, "What in tarnation, you can't have Stonewall Jackson up on a mountain without Robert E. Lee!" And then someone else was like, "Jefferson Davis's beard would look awesome up on a mountain."
And so it was.
Stone Mountain also has its own laser show. It was awesome! It was like a Pink Floyd laser show, except with patriotic music. They even had fireworks, although I was worried that one of the fireworks would go awry and blow Stonewall Jackson's face off.
And last but not least, I got mistaken for a Yeti up on the top of Stone Mountain when I took my shirt off to cool down. That's when you know it's time to shave your back.
My time at Stone Mountain was fun, and I can't wait to go back. We come to Atlanta every year for a family reunion, so I'm sure I'll get to go up on the mountain again. Next time I come I'm going to rappel down the front of the mountain and slap a big "Tanory Tantrum" stick on Stonewall Jackson's horse's butt.
The Existential Terror of Battle Royale
5 weeks ago