Wednesday, July 22, 2009

X-Treme Fourth of July

Okay, so I know I'm 18 days late on my Fourth of July post, but I hope you'll find this one worth the wait.

After chillin' on the beach for a week, we spent the Fourth of July at the Beau Rivage in Biloxi. My cousin Ben was featured as one of the two dueling piano players in a show called "X-Treme Pianos", and Ben brought down the house. But before he brought down the house, something else went down:

My pants.

The night started innocently enough by me ordering four 16 ounce buckets of alcohol with two minutes left in Happy Hour. I figured that would last us the rest of the night and maybe save some money, which we would in turn give to Ben. But after drinking 72 ounces of ice cold pineapple-flavored alkie, I started to feel like a part of the show.

[Picture: Drinks are on (or in) me!]

So I asked the waitress for one of her trays, then asked again for a tray after she looked X-Tremely confused. But to our waitress's credit, she gave me a tray with no questions asked.

I jumped up in front of the crowd and started to play the bejeezus out of the tray, just like the guy at Pat O's.

[Picture: Me playing the tray]

And when Ben and the other pianist started playing "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood, I remembered that I was wearing my American Flag boxers in honor of America's independence. And I thought, since I'm already standing in front of everyone, why not share the gift of my patriotic underwear with my brethren X-Treme Piano partygoers? I wasn't scared to essentially moon the crowd - these colors don't run!

[Picture: Full Moon]

Avoiding the security guards who started walking towards me, I jumped up onto a platform on the side of the pianos and found myself face-to-face with a microphone. Ben was playing "Sweet Home Alabama" so I sang my own version of the song - hint, it rhymes with "Luck You Alabama" - and got a rousing cheer from all the LSU fans in the house.

[Picture: Serenading the Alabama crowd]

The rest of the night was a blur. The next day I woke up late with a really bad hangover: my head hurt, my stomach felt like I had digested acid, and I was wearing someone else's shoes. I basically felt like this:

[Picture: Me the next day]

I like to think that I enhanced Ben's performance at X-Treme Pianos, or that maybe Ben's music enhanced my strip dance and vulgar song about Alabama. But either way, it sure was a lot of fun. I just hope the Beau Rivage lets me back in for next year's Fourth of July bash!

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