Betty got stung on her finger by a jellyfish. It was just a small sting but it hurt, so I offered to pee on her hand to make the pain go away.
But of course, even after being married for nearly five years, she would not let me pee on her hand. You'd think we'd just started dating the way she always makes me not pee on things.
I suggested that she pee on her own hand, to which she said she would just deal with the pain. But I had no intention of letting my beautiful, loving wife live in pain, even for a second. So I stood up on my beach chair, yanked down my shorts and held onto the beach umbrella for dear life as I tried to let loose. But Betty dumped the contents of my daughter's beach pool on me, and that caused shrinkage, and then I couldn't go anymore.
I stomped down to the beach, stealing a child's water gun along the way, and tried to fill it up with pee. But I just couldn't go - the kid's mom was glaring at me, and I have stage fright. So I threw the toy gun into the ocean and rode the waves back to the shore.
In the end, Betty said her finger has healed and that it no longer hurts. But I'm still going to wait for her to go to sleep so I can make sure it gets all the healing it needs.
The Existential Terror of Battle Royale
1 month ago