We bought a new 2010 Honda Odyssey minivan this week. And no, I didn't have to hand my manhood in when I signed on the dotted line, although I could have gotten an extra $2K off if I had done so.
We got the extended warranty, plus a new security package that - interestingly enough - is part of the Obama administration's plan to stimulate job growth: my own private security guard.
If someone tries to steal my new van, the security guard makes an adorable face at the would-be thief, at which point the thief lets down his or her guard, and then the security guard kicks the thief in his sack and/or her breasticles. All for a low monthly fee, plus interest, tax, title and license, and food and diapers for the security guard.
Negotiating the price for the van was a lot of fun. We really wanted a new van, but we didn't need to buy it if we didn't like the price, so we haggled back and forth. One thing I tried, which didn't work, was to try to drive the price of the Odyssey down by telling the Honda people that I thought I could get a Toyota Sienna for pretty cheap due to the Toyota recalls and safety issues. They responded by saying, "You sure can, and we're licensed to sell Toyotas at our other dealership, so if you want we can go take a look at them right now." I responded by saying that when I said "Toyota" I meant "Yo mama."
We bought our van, and then took our daughter out for a spin. And she of course needed all of her toys. We dubbed our minivan the "Minnie Van" because although it fits 8 people comfortably, it also has room for all 214 of Anne's Minnie Mouse dolls.
The highlight of our first trip in the new van was when we pulled up to a red light on Airline Highway in Baton Rouge. Some punks were blasting their radios in the car alongside of us. The teens in the car were practically hanging out of the windows, daring anyone to look at them while they rocked out to some terrible rap song about selling drugs and slapping their hoes up.
I rolled down my window, set the radio to fade to the front, balanced it all the way to the left, cranked up both the bass and the treble, and let "The Mickey Mouse Club: The CD" blast out of the van. The two punks on the side of me looked up, got their appendages safetly back in their car, rolled up the window and went on their merry way.
Minnie Van: 1, Punk: 0.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago