St. Patrick's Day is not just a day to wear a leprechaun outfit, get drunk on green beer and pee on your neighbor's cat - although, let's face it, that's mainly what we do every year.
St. Paddy's Day is also special because some small part of me is Irish. It's true! Someone on my mom's side was Irish, so to honor my heritage, on March 17th I go by the name O'Robert McTanory, and I scream, "Freeeedoooom!" every time I pass a Freedom Fuel gas station.
I'm a Lebanese / Irish mutt, which explains why I like to get drunk on hummus while wearing a green suit and a hat with a belt wrapped around it.
And to celebrate, Betty and I are taking Annie to watch the St. Patrick's Day Parade in Baton Rouge on Saturday. We'll probably take our new van, because we might need to haul some of our drunk friends back home from the parade.
Speaking of the new van, we just got XM radio, which has an Oprah channel. Since Betty loves Oprah, I programmed the van to have the Oprah Channel set. I listened to it today, just to see if it was worth listening to, and the people on the Oprah Channel were discussing kissing. It was weird - people were calling in talking about how they don't like how their spouses kiss but didn't know how to tell them. We're talking 15 years of being married to someone that you don't want to kiss. That just sucks.
After the Oprah Channel killed my self-esteem, I went home and kept trying to kiss Betty. And apparently Betty thinks it's weird when I try to kiss her a lot, or at least when I tell her that I want to kiss her a lot, because she made a big deal about it.
Interestingly enough, she didn't make a big deal out of me spanking her every time she walked by. Hmm....
But tomorrow, as well as on St. Patrick's Day, she'll have to kiss me. Because I won't stop screaming, "Kiss me, I'm Irish!" until she does.
Of course, if she won't kiss me, there will always be a cup of green beer waiting for me, and a neighbor's cat to catch.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
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