Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Pork Barrel Projects

Due to the state of the economy, Senate leaders were recently overheard desperately trying to "cut the pork" out of the budget. Unfortunately, the Obama administration and GOP senators got caught up in an ugly debate about which pork barrel projects should be cut.

For instance, David Vitter (R - LA) was overheard arguing with Max Baucus (D - MT) about which projects qualified as "pork" and which projects were actually "chicken." Chicken, of course, is a well known alternative white meat found in several congressional projects and budget actuarial reports.

Vitter was only talking to Senator Baucus because he apparently told staff members that he wanted to go to Bacchus, and his staff misunderstood his request. This led to the ugly tiff between Senators Vitter and Baucus resulting in Senator Vitter's reputation, as well as his manly stamina, being publicly questioned.

These allegations are in a response to Vitter's alleged associations with a brothel, which as we all know contains lots of pork. In fact, in a quest to find more pork for his campaign, Senator Vitter is apparently being accused of "porking" in the brothel, which we can only assume is a political term for finding more pork barrel projects.

Senator Vitter denies the allegations and instead simply says that he was visiting his friend, a Mr. Bourque, who frequents the brothel. Mr. Bourque's personal slogan is: "Bourque - the other white meat." Thus, Senator Vitter was only trying to find replacement white meat for the pork barrel projects which were set to be cut from the budget.

At the end of the day, Vitter left to go suck heads and pinch tails (ie, eat crawfish, for you non-Louisianians) and Senator Baucus went back to doing whatever you do in Montana. As of publishing time, there was no word on the replacement or cutting of any pork barrel projects from the budget.

No comments: