Somehow we managed to find ourselves at the St. Thomas More church fair in Baton Rouge.
Fairs are usually a lot of fun for us. But our little munchkin's appetite for the fair was insatiable - she wanted to do everything, twice, and she wanted to do it NOW!
After several hours riding every ride, playing every game and eating every possible combination of food and drink, we decided to make a run for it.
The problem was we couldn't find the exit. We were trapped! To one side were the game booths, and to another side was a long line for the Sizzler - filled with angst-ridden tweens all wearing too-short shorts. We knew we couldn't fight our way through that line!
Fearing that we would become carnies if we didn't leave immediately, we set out to find an escape route.
Anne and I hopped on a giant bee and tried to make it fly over the fair. But my fear of heights and extreme motion sickness soon forced us to make the bee land on a giant plant. We slid down the plant's stem back to the fair grounds, and looked for an alternative exit.
Next we found a bunch of horses impaled upon a giant rotating slab of metal. We thought we could commandeer one and yank the pole out of the horse's back, then make it run a lap around the fair until we found our exit. Unfortunately, after saving the horse from the carousel, all it wanted to do was trot up to the nearest TV to watch the Kentucky Derby.
We knew we needed a better vantage point to find an exit, so we went to the highest point allowed for a child under 36 inches tall: the super slide. We thought we spotted an exit, so we slid back down to Mommy, but then we got disoriented once we were back on the ground again.
We found a game with a bunch of ducks floating in water, and we thought we could jump in the game's water source and swim our way to freedom. We captured one of the ducks to ask it how to get out, but it didn't speak our dialect of Duckish. So much for that.
Remember in Star Wars (Episode IV, A New Hope) when Luke Skywalker blows up the Death Star by shooting a missile into a tiny chute that led all the way to the Death Star's main energy source (or whatever)? We thought we could do the same thing at the Muffin Ball game. Anne took six shots at destroying the fair, but all she got were 10 tickets which we used to buy a magic wand (to try to make an exit magically appear).
We thought we could read the pattern of Muffin Balls in the same way an augur reads a flock of birds, and we interpreted the meaning of the pattern to walk directly to our right. So we did that.
And ended up at the...
Ice cream stand!
After a nice meal of ice cream, brownies and cookies, we decided that being trapped at the fair forever and becoming carnies probably wasn't a bad thing after all. Good food, girls in short shorts, a super slide... we had everything we needed to survive! Plus, we could pay for everything with tickets. It was the perfect ecosystem for us.
Just then, as Anne (and Daddy) gave a big yawn, a few drops of rain fell from the sky and the crowd dispersed. With no crowd to block our vision, we found the exit. Off we went back home, to remember the great times we had on the Super Slide, Bee ride, Octopus thingy, carousel, and car track.
See you again next year, fair!
Hacker, Hack Thyself
4 months ago