Friday, May 07, 2010

Life Lessons

As most of you know, Betty is preggers and is about to pop. Only four weeks left to go!

As her due date quickly approaches, I've had time to reflect on what kind of dad I am going to be to my second child.

Will I show favoritism to one child or another, like how my parents obviously love me more than my brother and sister? Or will I love each child individually yet equally, which is what my parents claim to do?

We don't know the gender of the baby. If it's a boy I'll have to teach him all of the right life lessons, like how to whistle with your fingers, different poker strategies and when to use them, and how to switch hit. But first I'll have to learn all of those myself. I'll also have to teach him how to code a website, so I can make him do all of my work for me. Don't worry, I'll give him a cut of the profits.

Believe me, it's better than mowing lawns.

If it's a girl then I'm in deep trouble, because I'm going to be vastly outnumbered. I'll probably have to get a dog - or maybe two dogs. The dogs will be male and we will not neuter them, as then I'd have five females at my house instead of three. We'll name the dogs something manly, like Diesel and Trogdor the Burninator.

We've been thinking up names for our baby, but whatever we name it won't really matter, because we're going to give it a nickname. The nickname will be the star of whatever soccer team wins this year's World Cup. Baby Ronaldinho Tanory kind of has a nice ring to it, I think.

Anyway, I've got to get back to doing my pre-baby lounging. There's not much time left to lounge! Gotta get it all in right now!

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