Yesterday my daughter Anne and I had some Daddy / Daughter bonding time while playing Mario Kart for the Wii. And I'm proud to say that I kicked her butt at it.
Sure, she's just two and is learning about fine motor skills and hand-eye coordination, but she had the orange mushroom speed-boost item and never used it! I mean, how can you feel sorry for her when she doesn't shoot even one of her three red turtle shells at the opposing players???
On our first race I was well in the back because I kept showing her how to hold the steering wheel. She would press the button for a while and then get bored and try to go play with her Little People. "No!" I'd tell her, "you need to drop that banana peel so Donkey Kong won't lap you again! Hit the up arrow and then the Z trigger! Z trigger, dangit, not the B button, the Z trigger!" I had to frantically destroy every other player with my star of invincibility just in order to place third in the race.
It's almost as if she didn't want to feel the exhilaration of knocking Luigi into a deep cavern on the Mushroom Gorge level, or the rush of adrenaline that comes with plowing through livestock on the second half of the Moo Moo Meadows course. Well I'll be damned if my child isn't going to know that the secret to starting off with a speed boost is to start holding down the 2 button on the second light at the start of the race!
Tomorrow I'm going to show her how to rock out on Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock. And if she doesn't get a 100% completion rate on Foghat's "Slow Ride" then we're going to stay up all night until she gets it right.
It may be tough love, but somebody's got to teach this generation how to be the best they can be!
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago