Saturday, June 19, 2010

Instant Boob Job

Here's a great Father's Day tip for all you dads out there: How to make your wife have a natural, instant boob job.

For this tip to work, though, there are a few things you need:

1. A wife or significant other who has recently given birth and is breastfeeding; and

2. A screaming baby.

This tip is pretty simple, actually. When your wife hears your baby cry, her body's natural response is to create more milk. So the next time you're holding your child and he or she starts crying, don't try to soothe it - let it cry. Alternately, you can gently pinch your child to make it cry.

Note: It's not recommended to pinch your child, and if you do, it's not recommended that you tell your wife that you pinched it.

Once your wife hears the crying child, her brain will tell her to make more milk. Her ta-tas will then start to fill up with milk, and her breasts will start to fill up her bra. When her breasts start to leak milk, your job is done: her breasts are as full as they are going to get.

The result: Instant boob job.

She'll probably complain about her breast milk leaking out or of the fact that her boobies are now rock-solid. But don't worry - that's a natural response to having her body generate several gallons of milk in a matter of minutes, all because you wanted her rack to look extra hot for Father's Day.

Look for another tip tomorrow on how to get your wife to stop stabbing you repeatedly for making her breasts hard as rocks.

Happy Father's Day!

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