Monday, July 26, 2010

My Poker Face

My family is coming in from all over the US this weekend for my sister's wedding. And when all us Tanorys get together, we do three things (usually at the same time):

1. Eat
2. Talk (very loudly)
3. Play poker

When your family is your poker opponent, and when you know your family so well, it's vitally important to have a good poker face. A smirk, a quick glance to the left, or a twinge of a unibrow is enough to let the rest of us know that you're bluffing.

In professional poker tournaments, like the World Series of Poker, you'll usually see players wear sunglasses. This is so they can hide their eyes to not give away anything important - like if you have two aces in the hole, and your eyes bug out, then usually everyone else knows what's going on.

Instead of glasses just covering my eyes, one year I tried wearing a Ronald Reagan mask to cover my entire face. But my opponents wised up and just turned off the fan and A/C, and I had no choice but to take it off.

So this year I've gotten a head start on my "poker face". This year, instead of wearing glasses or masks, I'll wear something else:

A mustache.

[Picture: Mustache!]

I'm just a few days into my mustachial growth, but give it a week and it'll be a huge bush.

The great part about me having a mustache is that I look ridiculous. Which means my family will be looking at my mustache instead of my eyes, so I can be free to bulge my eyes when I get a good hand and nobody will notice. But just having a mustache isn't enough - I also have several key faces to make while I wear it.

I call this one the "Closed Lipped Flush", because my lips are closed - oh, and also, because I'm not telling anyone if I'm going for a flush. My lips are sealed!

[Picture: Mustache!]

If all else fails, I'll combine my Bob Stare with my mustache. Those two powers combined might be enough to win the whole poker tournament!

[Picture: Mustache!]

I'm so confident that I'll win that I had no reservations about posting my secret weapon! So look out, family - me and my mustache are going on a rampage!

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