Betty can't breastfeed our son Peter for the next two days due to the anesthesia meds that the hospital gave her before her lithotripsy. So the doctors told her to just pump it and dump it.
There's only one catch: breast milk is really hot on the black market right now.
Seriously! We read that football players are drinking breast milk that they've bought on eBay to help build immunities and recover from injuries faster. And I think we all know that Lucky Charms tastes better with fresh milk. Did I mention that it comes from ta-tas?
It's like having your own milk bar, with whole milk on tap! Except in this case, it contains trace elements of medications that are apparently harmful to youngsters.
If you or someone you know is a professional athlete, has money to spare, and is gullible and easily parted with their money, let me know and we'll make a deal. And if the last lithotripsy didn't work then Betty might have to get another... which means that we'll have more toxic breast milk to sell.
The Existential Terror of Battle Royale
5 weeks ago