Betty has kidney stones. This is not a laughing matter... I know that because no matter how many jokes that I make about it, Betty doesn't think any of them are funny.
Honestly, it's tough to see my wife in pain. She puts up with me on a daily basis, so I know that she has a high tolerance for pain. To see her grimace means that something is really bothering her.
I knew that Betty was going to the doctor today, and she was supposed to call me once she was done. But our phones weren't allowing calls to go in and out, so she sent me a text.
Her text said that she needed surgery.
That didn't sound good, and I was nervous. But I couldn't flip out too badly because I had just picked our daughter up from school. I had to be brave for her. And I had to pass the word around. So I called Betty's mom and told her that Betty needed surgery.
But it turns out that she doesn't need surgery. She just didn't want to spell out extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy on her iPhone. And who could blame her?
Lithotripsy is basically the use of sound waves to break up kidney stones. And it is actually considered surgery. They focus a high intensity acoustic pulse generator thingy at the kidney, then they crank up the volume.
I suggested that instead of paying for someone at the hospital to blast her with sound waves that we just go to the Better Than Ezra concert at the Varsity on Friday. Surely being at a concert would rock that kidney stone to oblivion!
Or maybe we can just sit in the car and turn the volume all the way up. Maybe we'll listen to some Rolling Stones.
Betty's kidney stone is 8mm. We've named it Herbie.
We're going to rock that kidney stone out tomorrow at 8 am. Wish Betty good luck!
Hacker, Hack Thyself
4 months ago