Monday, November 22, 2010

Spanksgiving

Happy Spanksgiving, everybody!

Spanksgiving is like Thanksgiving, except instead of sitting around with family, eating a huge meal and giving thanks for all of the good things in our life, Spanksgiving involves firmly spanking your loved ones as they walk by you.

Also, some people like to wear Spanx. It's not required, but it sure makes Spanksgiving more festive.

Spanksgiving is not without rules. For instance:

1. NEVER spank your mother. She carried you in her womb for nine months. She gave birth to you. She got it on with your dad, ALL FOR YOU. She even got up at 11:30 at night to make those cupcakes when you forgot to tell her that it was your day to bring them to your fourth grade class party. If you spank your mother, so help me I'll Photoshop pictures of you in Spanx and post them on my blog. You've been warned!

2. Always spank your older brother. It helps to pants him, first. (Pantsing involves sneaking up behind him and yanking his pants down, generally at an embarrassing moment, like when he's giving the Thanksgiving prayer.)

3. The newest in-law MUST be spanked.

Okay, that last rule is from Fight Club. But you get the point.

To be clear, we're not advocating spanking your child. However, if you want to teach your child the joy of Spanksgiving, you can always hold your older brother down on the ground and let your two year old spank him with your belt. Or you can just make your own Spanksgiving tradition up.

Everyone enjoy your Spanksgiving!

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