I made up a joke today:
Q: What did the woman see when she accidentally walked into the men's restroom at the Zoo of Acadiana?
A: A cockatoo, a peacock, and macaque.
I came up with this joke - plus several others, mostly involving the word "macaque" - while at the Zoo of Acadiana with my family.
Betty, Anne and I went to see my parents in Lafayette this weekend. I grew up in Lafayette, which I call Sha-Fayette, as everywhere you go people say "Aw, sha!" Every time I come home I can't help but to say "sha" after every sentence. It drives Betty crazy, but then we all laugh when somebody says it - and everyone says it, always, so we're usually laughing.
The "sha" in this case is really "cher," the French word meaning "dear." But I'll spell it as "sha" here, because that's how us coon-asses say it. Sometimes "sha" is preceded by "mais," which means "but." Mais sha, don't ask why they go together - that's just what we say down in South Louisiana.
Anything can be "sha." You got a baby? Dat's a sha bebe! You got a little dog? Dat's a sha puppy, yes.
Anyway, I tell you all of this because today we went to the Zoo of Acadiana, and the conductor of the zoo's train was Cajun Cajun Cajun. Mais sha was he Cajun! Oooh-wee!
And the train tour around the zoo sounded a little something like this:
(The following should be read with a thick Cajun accent, sha)
Mais sha, welcome to the Zoo of Acadiana's train tour. I'm your host, Clovice, and today I will show you around this here sha zoo.
To our left you can see some llamas. This one is named "Como Se."
Mais, over here you can see some zebras. The white zebras with black stripes own all the property, and the back zebras with white stripes make all the good food and music. Kee-yaw!
Over to your right are some horny deer, sha. We call them horny because they've got horns on their heads. Also, we dumped some Viagra in their feed buckets. We gotta keep the animal population up, you know?
To your left you can see some human-like primates in their natural habitat - a play area. Just look at that cute litte baby primate playing! That's one sha bebe!
Right here, this sha little monkey's name is Remy. Hey, Remy, how you doing, buddy?
Remy, you get down from your house and stop threatening people! Don't make me come over there and spank you again!
Sorry about that folks. Oh look, here's a camel. This one is a girl, and she's got two lovely lady humps. Don't look at her feet, though, 'cause she don't like that. She's very sensitive about her camel toes.
(You can stop reading in your Cajun accents now.)
While making a wide turn, the caboose of the train ran off the track. That ground our train ride to a halt. According to the conductor, it was the first time he's ever seen that. Unfortunately for us, the conductor wouldn't let us off the train to assist or just to walk back to the main park, so we had to sit and wait for the train to be fixed.
So there we were, trapped on a train in the middle of the Zoo of Acadiana, surrounded by hungry, wild animals just waiting for it to get dark. And every so often a sound or a sudden movement would send the women into a frenzy.
But since we were at the zoo, they were able to send some help in the form of a mule.
The mule men detached the caboose from the rest of the train and we were able to finish the last 30 feet of the train ride.
Well, that's the end of my story about the Sha-Fayette Zoo. Tomorrow we're heading back to Baton Rouge, at which point it'll take a few days for me to get "sha" out of my system. My family is so sick of hearing me say it that my daughter has even resorted to sticking her fingers in her ears.
Normally that would hurt my feelings, but let's be honest, that's one sha litte bebe!
To Serve Man, with Software
2 months ago