Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Public Schools

I'm a product of public schooling, and proud of it. But lately I've been thinking about how to improve the public schools around Louisiana. The public schools here aren't what you'd call "great." We're only #1 in the rankings if you're looking at the worst states first.

Lately I've been reading up on states with good public school systems. And most of the schools with great public school systems are in the north. Minnesota comes to mind.

So then I started thinking about what makes Minnesota so special. Do they have a voucher system? Are their parents more involved? Is there a low rate of teen pregnancy?

And that's when it hit me. I thought myself, "What is Minnesota if not the personification of cold itself?"

Then I had a revelation: Minnesota has a great public school system because it's too cold to go outside for recess. The kids have no choice but to stay indoors and learn math and science. Even the highs in the summers are below freezing. The alternative to staying in school is freezing to death on the playground. So of course the kids are going to do well in school!

But down here in Louisiana, it's usually extremely hot and humid. And high heat means light clothing, shorts, short skirts and low-cut blouses. Which all lead to wandering eyes and minds. Which then leads to teen pregnancy. Which leads to a high drop-out rate. Which leads to more children, which equates to more people in school, who are then themselves hot and therefore scantily clad, which then starts the vicious cycle over again.

So how can we correct this problem?

My suggestion is to make Louisiana colder by running our air conditioners with our doors open.

I don't really know if that will work or not. I went to public school, remember? And maybe we don't want it to work. Maybe we like having scantily clad people running around making babies.

So, Minnesota and other northern states, you can keep your good public school systems, and we'll keep our scantily clad population. We'll see who has the last laugh.

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