Sunday, February 20, 2011


Back when corporations started buying the naming rights to professional sports stadiums, I thought the idea was terrible. But despite the outrage at having to attend a ridiculously named stadium like the Center, we've all gotten used to it. "Monster Park" even sort of sounds cool - like it's a park for monsters.

(Just for the record, Quicken Loans Arena is still the worst name for a stadium EVER.)

But with the economy still in the dumps, our nation's budget and debt still being at ridiculous levels, and government programs like Medicare being threatened, I think it's time to turn back to the corporations for help.

McFebruary, anybody?

That's right, I think it's time we started auctioning off the naming rights to the remaining months of 2011. I think corporations should pay our government for the right for us to call a month by their name. Companies can use humor, such as "March to Best Buy", or rename the entire month, like "Walmartember." As long as they help offset the trade deficit with China, then I'm all for it.

I don't want to leave the smaller companies out of the loop, so days of the week could be up for grabs, too. Companies that publish Bibles or leisure activities could sponsor Sunday. "Thursday" is actually named after the Norse god Thor, so since there's a Thor movie coming out, I thought that "Thursday, February 24, sponsored by Thor" has a nice ring to it. And of course, Saturday could be renamed "Trojan Saturday", because, you know, uh... well, if you don't know, this isn't the blog to tell you.

(Email me and I'll explain it. With pictures, probably.)

The great thing about this idea is that there are so many different calendars, so there's lots of room for commercialization and therefore lots of money to be put back into Medicare, Medicaid, or at least keep PBS on the air. There's the Gregorian calendar (which we use), the Julian calendars (Proleptic and Revised), the Chinese calendar... there are even fiscal calendars.

So many calendars to choose from... so little companies with the billions needed to get our nation back up to snuff.

Since I came up with this brilliant idea, I'll only charge the government a finder's fee of 10% per month for the remaining 2011 months, then just 2% for every month after. Don't worry, the government will get most of it back when it's time to do my taxes - on "April 15th, sponsored by H&R Block".

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