The other day I took my lunch out of the fridge and found a protein bar that Betty had packed for me. While heating up the rest of my food, I needed a place to store my protein bar. I could have just held it, or put it on the counter, but you have to keep in mind that I'm a moron, and for some reason I felt the need to pocket my protein bar.
I knew that putting it in my pants pocket was a bad idea. My first thought was that it would be way too cold down there. My second thought was that it might melt. My last and final thought about putting my protein bar in my pants pocket was that it would make me look like I had a large bulge in my pants.
So I put it in my shirt pocket.
At which point my left nipple immediately exploded in pain.
It turns out that my shirt pocket is directly over my nipple, so when I put my frozen protein bar in my pocket, it froze my nipple. If you've never had your nipple frozen, believe me, it's not as much fun as it sounds. It took several minutes of brisk, feverish rubbing to get the pain in my nipple to subside.
All while my friends looked on in merriment and glee.
Note to self: protein bars do not belong in the fridge. And if you find a frozen protein bar, under no circumstances should you ever put it in any of your pockets!
Hacker, Hack Thyself
3 weeks ago