Thursday, May 19, 2011

Driving While Texting

I heard on the radio that driving while texting is the equivalent of driving after drinking four beers. That's a pretty sobering assessment.

Immediately after hearing that, I equated the number of beers with all of the other hazards of the road. Here is my Beer Chart for the listed activities:

Driving while...

1. Texting: four beers. This is our control group.

2. Checking out an accident: three beers.

3. Checking out a hot girl on the side of the road: four beers. (Same as texting.)

4. Checking out a hot girl in spandex on the side of the road: 8 beers. (Twice as dangerous as texting, but four times as fun.)

5. Cussing the person in front of you out because they're a moron: one beer.

6. Cussing the person behind you out because he's an idiot: two beers.

7. It's raining: five beers.

8. It's dark: two beers.

9. It's raining and it's dark: ten beers. (The factors are multiplied.)

10. It's dark and rainy, there's an accident ahead of you and it looks like a hot girl in spandex is on the side of the road, and she was either in one of the cars or was the cause of the accident because one of the drivers wasn't paying attention to the road and was instead paying attention to the girl's extremely tight pants and curvaceous body: twelve beers, two shots of Wild Turkey and a #2 from Taco Bell.

There you have it. Now you know that hot girls are the cause of most automobile accidents. And knowing is half the battle.

1 comment:

ajlouny said...

It's not worth it, whatever needs to be said can wait until your in a safe place.