Monday, July 11, 2011

The Blip Cone

I love Dairy Queen, which for some reason is now called DQ. I suspect that it's for the same reason that Kentucky Fried Chicken is now called KFC. (KFC had to change their name after they were found to no longer be using "chicken." So either DQ no longer uses dairy, or they're not really a queen. You decide!)

So it might be debatable now if Dairy Queen still uses dairy, but one thing is not debatable:

The DQ Blizzard is the greatest human invention, ever. Second to the Blizzard, though, is the dip cone.

And that's where this blog comes in.

We stopped at a DQ right outside of Harris County, TX, on our way to see my brother and sister and their families in Houston. It was there that I started an innocent conversation with a young waitress which blossomed into a metaphysical debate about ice cream with the DQ's manager and assistant manager.

I said they should make a Blizzard Dip Cone. I call it "The Blip Cone." The dip cone part would be optional, but at a minimum they could make it into an ice cream shape and plop it on a cone.

The reason for the Blip Cone, as I explained, is that I think it's easier to eat an ice cream instead of a Blizzard while driving, because I can hold the cone in one hand while holding the steering wheel with the other. If I had the Blizzard in this form then I could enjoy it more.

Their eyes lighted up for a split second, then drooped.

"Can't be done," the assistant manager said. "It wouldn't keep it's shape. We'd have to make them in advance and then freeze them."

"BULLSHIT!" I screamed in my head. I managed to control my actual verbal communication, and instead said, "Have you tried it?" I was hoping they'd make one for me. They looked a little frightened that someone would take their product so seriously, so I added, "The Blizzard maintains its shape when you tilt the cup. Surely it would stay in shape if you made it into an ice cream cone."

The manager shrugged and said, "No, but it can't be done. It's not physically possible. But we could crush up a cone and blend it into a Blizzard for you." I've never wanted to punch a person in the face more than at this moment.

Just kidding. Actually, these guys were pretty cool. I have to hand it to them: they took a suggestion from a customer, actually considered it along with its physical and chemical properties, and explained to me in detail why it wouldn't work. These guys are much too smart to be working at DQ.

Of course, everything that they explained could be complete horse crap, and it's very possible that you could see a "Blip Cone" in the near future. After all, they did say that they would contact their corporate headquarters about the idea. So if comes into fruition, I will be rich after suing the bejeezus out of DQ - unless they name it after me: Bob's Blip Cone.

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