We took the kids to City Park in New Orleans this past Sunday, courtesy of some Groupons Betty bought. We went smack dab in the middle of the Saints game, which actually worked out well for us as everyone was at the Superdome instead of the park, and the people at City Park were kind enough to provide us with a TV so I could watch the game instead of my kids.
The irony of me bringing the kids to a park only to watch TV is not lost on me.
City Park is pretty cool. It's actually not just a park - it has several parts to it. One part is like Dixie Landin' in Baton Rouge, and has a Ferris wheel, a merry-go-round, and rides that make old people like me want to puke. The other part is called Story Land, and it's amazing - it's like a living fairy tale land, but everything is kid-sized.
Inside Story Land, we saw Captain Hook's pirate ship with Peter Pan fighting Hook in the crow's nest, the three little pigs and their houses, the little old woman who lived in a shoe, and Snow White. We also saw Humpty Dumpty, and I have to say, the wall he was sitting on wasn't all that high. Either the wall's actual height is being misrepresented here, or Humpty Dumpty is just a huge puss.
My daughter Anne especially loved seeing Snow White. Not only did Anne give Snow White a couple kisses to try to wake her up, but she also copped a feel. Needless to say, I was a proud papa.
Anne found a statue of a garden gnome tucked away in some bushes. The gnome was short and fat, and if it would have had a unibrow I would have sworn it was one of my cousins.
Story Land was fun, but it was kind of risque as well, although I guess you'd expect that in New Orleans. For example, the three little pigs wore jackets but no pants. That indicates to me that they knew about clothing, but decided to just let their piggly wigglies dangle.
Who could blame them? It was hot outside.
Next, on Captain Hook's pirate ship, the figurehead was a naked, golden woman. I'm pleased to say that Betty's aunt pointed this one out. Good eye, Auntie!
Last, a mermaid was sunning herself on a rock, and wasn't wearing any clams over her hoo-hoos. I still don't understand why mermaids have breasts, unless mermaids are basically monotremes (mammals that lay eggs, like a platypus). If that's the case then that would definitely firm up the case for jugs.
We ended our day having a picnic inside City Park. Technically you're not supposed to bring in any outside food or drink. But looking at this picture, you can plainly see that we brought in boatloads of our own food.
We were able to do this because City Park is staffed by well-meaning but naive teenagers, and has several entrances and exits. So when one staff member at one entrance told us that we couldn't bring our own ice chests inside the park, we told her, "Of course we can. The people at the other entrance said we could."
Just remember: to be successful at tricking the people at City Park into letting you bring in your own food, you have to speak with confidence. If your eyes start to shift or you mumble a lame excuse, you'll have to lug all your food back to the car. Confidence is the key! The same is true for when you tell your kids that it's time to leave City Park. Never let them see you sweat, or you'll be eaten alive.
Thanks for the memories, City Park! See you next time!
The Existential Terror of Battle Royale
5 weeks ago