I have a new superhero identity: The Vacuuman!
Or the Vac-Human, if you prefer. And what are my superpowers? Only one: I suck.
As in, I can generate a vacuum's suction, using my vacuum arms.
I terrify all dust bunnies on dry land as well as any dirt or food particles hidden away in the carpet! And I blast hot air as I move throughout a room, keeping evil-doers at bay. I contain my enemies in a bag-like prison until it's time to bring them to the Trash Can prison.
OK, so... I vacuumed today. Vacuuming is supposed to be my job around the house because it takes absolutely no skill or concentration - basically, tasks that I am perfectly suited for. But I hadn't vacuumed in several months and decided that it was time for me to do my husbandly duty.
But vacuuming is boring. Like, really boring! So I had to make up a game to keep myself entertained.
At one point I passed by the piano while vacuuming, and decided that I could play piano with one hand while vacuuming with the other. That worked until Betty saw me and gave me a stern look. I left the vacuum to suck the same plot of carpet for a few seconds while I played piano with both hands, then went back to cleaning the carpet.
I also Cajun-ized my house while vacuuming. For instance, "carpet" became "car-pay" by making it a French word, "tile" became "till-aye", and "trash can" became "trash can, sha!" (Adding "sha" or "cher" to the end of anything automagically makes it Cajun.)
And a vacuuming human became the Vacuuman.
As you can tell, I have nothing else to do except hunt dust down and destroy it while I also watch ESPN Game Day and wait for the LSU vs. Boregon game.
Look out, dust. The Vacuuman is coming for you.
Hacker, Hack Thyself
2 months ago