Sunday, December 30, 2012

The Tanory Tantrum's 2012 Christmas Letter

Dearest friends and family,

I hope this letter finds you well. 2012 was a great year for us Tanorys, as are all years that begin with a little midnight hanky panky (even if one's wife doesn't know it).

This year I was remarkably lazy, even for me. For example, January marked the most blogs that I've written all year, coming in at a whopping 9 blog posts. The four people who routinely read my blog were mad, but nobody else noticed, so I guess it's OK. About the only exciting thing that happened in January was that I bought a strap for my glasses, which I've lovingly termed "the strap-on," and wore it for several months before deciding that my chances of having anyone else talk to me ever again were significantly raised when not wearing my strap-on.

[Picture: Me with my strap-on... for my glasses]

February brought on two of my favorite times of the year: The Super Bowl and Mardi Gras! We made mini pizzas in the shape of footballs for the Super Bowl, but they seemed to come apart whenever we played "Tackle the Person with the Mini-Pizza Footballs." They were also hard to throw as spirals.

The family dresses up for a theme every Mardi Gras, and this year we went as characters from Peter Pan. I dressed up as Captain Hook, but later changed because our little cousin David made a much better looking Hook. But I guess there's a flashing cow in Peter Pan, because that's what I changed into. I just can't help flashing my udders to foreigners during Mardi Gras. It's like I have Mad Cow Disease!

[Picture: Throw me something or I'll make you walk the plank!]

March was actually pretty exciting. First, I baked my first ever cakes for Betty's birthday. They were delicious, except for the part in the very center that didn't get cooked all the way through.

[Picture: Crazy-eyed cake killah!]

We also threw a birthday bash for my daughter, who turned 4 in April but we had her party in March. She got a new car, but her insurance is through the roof.

[Picture: Don't worry, she's got her permit.]

This were going great at Annie's party until my son, the super spy, had an epic chase scene through the middle of our party. Just look at him on his getaway car!

[Picture: This spy car isn't going to drive itself through a chase scene, people!]

March also brought along a tornado. Yes, Prairieville got hit by a twister! But even more amazing, I coached my daughter's soccer team, the Angry Birds, to a 6-2 first place championship in the YMCA youth league. (Well, we were either 6-2, 5-3 or 4-4 depending on if we counted certain scores as actual scores. Some of the kids were still figuring out that they can't use their hands in soccer. But nobody was counting, so we're going with my count.) I lost 15 pounds coaching soccer.

[Picture: Still more exciting than watching soccer on TV!]

April 1st brought along April Fool's Day, and I only tricked one person into thinking that I had quit the blog this year. To celebrate Annie's fourth birthday, Betty and I won her some birthday money by getting first place at the Cajun Code Fest code-a-thon held in Lafayette.

There were several really high points in May! For starters, my son turned two and was officially enrolled in the Terrible Two's Training Program. And my daughter had her first dance recital.

[Picture: Making a wish for more loot!]

Also in May, our good friend Jay got married in Natchitoches. Not only did we eat all the meat pies in the Meat Pie capital of the world, but we also had late night at a Huddle House next door to our hotel. (Note to self: the eggs at the Huddle House are radioactive.) I coached Jay's nephews in soccer so was like a rock star there. No soccer coach ever had it so good! While in Natchitoches, we saw the Steel Magnolias house, then watched Steel Magnolias on NetFlix. Don't believe Betty if she tells you that I cried. I totally saw the ending coming.

In June we went to Washington, DC, to show off the software that made us winners of the Cajun Code Fest. We stayed with my wonderful cousin Elizabeth in the Southeast quadrant of DC but partied with our friend Shelly in the Northwest quadrant. Don't worry, we did the cupcake tour that took us through all four quadrants of DC. While we were away on our trip, my son decided to potty train himself. Either that or my parents potty trained him while we were away. Regardless, now I'm stuck as being the only person who continuously wets his pants every day.

[Picture: This really happened]

Also in June, my extended family made a Happy Birthday video for my dad. No family is cooler than mine!

In July we went to the Great Wolf Lodge in North Carolina. We spent our anniversary there, spent Fourth of July there, and then headed to Atlanta for the annual family reunion on Betty's side of the family - which is one of my favorite parts of the year.

[Picture: Great Wolf Lodge makes us have great big smiles!]

On the way to and fro North Carolina, Betty and I shared The Red Pyramid, book 1 of a series by Rick Riordan. We took turns reading it and raced to see who could finish it first. (I won, because I interrupted her while she was reading. Sabotage!) In Atlanta I jumped off a pier in nothing but my underwear and accidentally flashed my junk to a family member while helping my daughter out of the lake. It was a great trip!

In July, Betty and I also took part in a Cupcake Competition. My flavor, French Toast, got crushed by Smores. I was down in the dumps about it until my cousin Ben started a blog, Napkins from Work, where he posts pictures of the song requests that he gets on napkins at Pat O's in New Orleans. It's ridiculously funny and we haven't stopped laughing about it since.

August brought along the Olympics and Hurricane Isaac. It should be noted that, after sitting in our house with no power after Hurricane Isaac, we purposefully subjected ourselves to post-Hurricane-like conditions by going to tailgate at Tiger Stadium for several hours the following week! In August we also went to the Children's Museum in New Orleans, and Betty and the kids got a spot on their promotional video. (My ugly mug was left out of the video. Either that or they're making a second video, "See, the Children's Museum is for Kids of All Ages!")

September... September... hmm, let me think about what happened during this month. Well, the replacement refs were finally kicked out of the NFL after making a horrendous call in the Packers / Seahawks game. Also, we took my son to his first LSU football game (vs. Towson, alma mater of Elmo) and he was awesome! Peter, despite only being two, called better plays than our offensive coordinator.

In October we became serious about selling our house. So we did all the usual stuff: had a garage sale, put some stuff into storage, and cleaned both the inside and outside of the house. I even found a new love for pressure washing!

[Picture: This is the only SFW pressure washing art from this page]

In October I dressed up as Honey Boo Boo for my office's Halloween costume contest. I didn't place, but I was number one in annoying people that day.

[Picture: Why oh why oh why?]

In November we officially put our house up for sale and then got it under contract the day after Thanskgiving. To celebrate the sale of our house and a new beginning in a new house, my sister gave birth to her first child, John Bobby, Jr!

So now it's December. What have we done in December? It's actually been pretty busy. For starters, we went to my cousin Matt's wedding... er, well, just the reception. I had my first and last martinis there, and got to see friends and family that I haven't seen in a while. We also celebrated my birthday, the Mayan Apocalypse, my brother's birthday and then Christmas, in that order. I quit my piano lessons this month but am still working on improving my piano skills on my own time. (If anybody needs someone to play Meat Loaf's "I Would Do Anything For Love" on the piano, I've got you covered!) Last, we found a new house in Baton Rouge and have signed the billions of forms needed to get a new loan.

Sorry that I'm late with my Christmas letter, but just like everything else this year, I've completely slacked. My resolution for next year is to be more proactive... which will practically be impossible to not be, considering how extremely lazy I've been this year.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas, a fantastic 2012, and I hope everyone will have an even better 2013!

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