Tuesday, November 26, 2013

What the Fox Actually Says

If you've seen the hilarious video (and catchy song) The Fox (What Does the Fox Say) by Scandinavian band Ylvis, then you may be wondering what the fox actually says.



My kids asked me this question, and I couldn't let them down - so I had to find out. I didn't trust the answers I found on the Internet and so I set out on my own to see what a fox says. I'm proud to tell you that I have the answer.

What does the fox say? The fox says...

[Picture: The Fox]

The fox says, "If you post this picture to Facebook, I will destroy you!"

Good thing the fox didn't say anything about my blog!

Thursday, October 31, 2013

Last Minute Halloween Costume Advice

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday. I get to dress up both at work and at home, my kids get to score lots of candy (which I get a percentage of - that's how we roll in the Tanory household), and girls dress up in slutty Chinese Takeout outfits.

It's a win-win for everybody, except for real ghosts, which are apparently scared away by people dressed up as fake ghosts.

If you were on the fence about dressing up for your company's Halloween costume contest and didn't prepare, have no fear! Here are a few simple outfits that are sure to get you noticed and/or fired at work. You may not win the costume contest, but you will definitely be remembered.

1. Horny Toad

Let's say you are a college football fan. Now you may be thinking, "I'll dress up as LSU's mascot, Mike the Tiger!" No, that's boring. I like Mike and all, but there are more interesting mascots out there... like TCU's horned frog. (That's their real mascot, by the way.)

How do you dress up like a horned frog, or as I like to call it, a horny toad? Easy. Get one of those green skin suits from Halloween Express and stuff a giant zucchini down your crotch.

Instant horny toad!

An alternate costume would be the Frog Prince costume. If you dress as a Frog Prince, you may have some ladies try to kiss you. Be wary of women that are overly affectionate towards amphibians - they are most likely gold diggers and/or have warts.

2. Custodian

One year Betty and I went to a Halloween party in college, and we dressed up as janitors. We both wore Walls outfits. The thing about being a custodian is that if you dress up as one, you have to sell it: you have to pick up after other people, you have to grumble while you do it, and you have to do it nice and slow.

The party we were at had a band, and when they went outside to take a smoke break, we went with them. The lead guitarist finished a cigarette and threw the butt on the floor, at which point I moseyed over to it, grumbled, bent down and swept it up using my dustpan. The guy exclaim, "Oh, I'm so sorry!" before I gave him the evil eye and he realized that I was in costume.

3. The Dancing Guy in the Red Tracksuit from SNL's What Up With That Sketch

I'll be honest: I've been wanting to be Jason Sudeikis' "dancing guy in the red tracksuit from SNL's What Up With That" sketch for about 3 years. My goal was to play the "What Up With That" song (which you can see and hear by clicking here) and just dance along with it.

Since I've never followed through with this one, it's up to you to do it! Let me live vicariously through you!

4. A Tourist

My costume for work this year is going to be "a tourist." I know, it sounds boring, and I won't win for best costume. However, it's going to be a lot of fun - I'm going to bring my Frommer's book (with a modified cover), have a map of the office building (so I can ask people how to get to key destinations), and will take pictures of everything and everyone. I'm going to ask people to sign autographs. I'm going to walk behind groups of people and pretend like I'm on a tour. I will have sunscreen on my nose all day - I'll store a bottle in my fanny pack. If anything, I hope to annoy everyone and maybe even get a few laughs.

Everyone have a safe and happy Halloween! And if you have any last minute costume advice, please leave a comment.

Friday, October 04, 2013

World's Best Dads

I like to think that I am a great father, but the truth is that I learned everything I know about how to be a nurturing, patient and respectful person from my father and my brother.

I've modeled my actions as a dad on my own father, who was always there for all of his kids no matter what. Regardless of how hectic his work schedule was, he was always at my baseball and soccer games. He even coached many of those teams.

And my brother, well... what can I say, I love him like a brother. I've always been able to watch what he did and learn from it. He was always able to figure something out first and then share that knowledge with me.

I've always wanted to know where this innate trait of being a great father came from, and now Science may have the answer. I could explain it all here, but I would just be posting someone else's research, so instead I'd like to just link to an article that explains it very clearly.

Please read the following article, then remember the great men who have made so much of an impact in your life.

Friday, September 13, 2013

My Broken Pole

My pole is broken due to being blown too hard.

It all happened during a bad thunderstorm. We noticed that the patio umbrella was unfurled just as it started to rain. I told Betty that I should go out and furl it. "I shall furl!" I announced, but it was too late - the storm was already too furious.

At our old house, we had forgotten to furl our umbrella before a bad storm once, and the wind had picked it up and tossed it over our fence and into the street. I just happened to notice it while backing out of the driveway to go to work. Ever since then, I've made sure to tighten it within the umbrella stand.

I like the pole to be tight in the stand. Especially when a storm's a'brewin'. Otherwise the pole flops around, and nobody likes a floppy pole.

Sadly, the storm was too much this time around. The wind blew too hard, and although our stand kept the pole firmly in its grip, the pole bent until it finally snapped.

The moral of the story is that it's not the size of your pole... it's how you furl it.

Knowing is half the battle.

Monday, September 02, 2013

Nagigator

I've created new words to add to our "back seat driving" lexicon.

The first word is Nagigator. It means "one who nags while navigating." This is different than someone who simply nags you while you're driving them around, as a nagigator is a person that is in the act of helping you get where you want to go - although he or she could allegedly do it much better, faster and safer.

A related word is Nagigation. This is the act of nagging while navigating.

To be fair, I wasn't the first person to write out "Nagigator." Someone sent me an email and tried to type out "navigator" but instead wrote "nagigator," and I told him that I had stolen his typo. Then I replied to the aforementioned email with gibberish, random misspellings and unfinished thoughts, in the hope of helping that person come up with an idea for their very own new word.

While you may think that I can't just go around inventing new words whenever I want, I beg to differ - and will call you a back seat wordsmith until I can think up something more clever. But most people don't know the meanings or origins of very famous words. Who does, unless you're a cunning linguist?

You can check out Merriam-Webster's Top 10 Words of Summer, which shows the origin of some summery words. Maybe soon they'll refer to this blog post when they write about how Nagigators are taking over America.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

And So It Begins (Again)....

Betty and I did a fantasy football draft this weekend.

Yes, that's right - I said "Betty and I." I have finally managed to get her to play fantasy football! It's just like The League, but hopefully my wife won't eventually create her own team and beat me.

I'm in three leagues this year. I'm in my family league with all my immediate family, cousins, and my cousin's cousins, in which last year I won the most points but somehow managed to not make the playoffs. I'm also back in my work league, in which I was in first place going into the playoffs and then promptly lost my next two games.

And now I'm in a league with Betty, which means she is contractually obligated to watch football games with me - or else our team will suffer for it!

Oooh yeah!

How did I manage to pull off this incredible feat? Actually, I didn't. Her friends did.

A few nights ago she was playing on her phone when she turned to me and said, "Now before I show you this, I want to remind you that you're already in two fantasy football leagues." I had no idea what she was about to show me. I was hoping it was a naked picture - preferably of her, but I would have also accepted anything that resembled a female adult human. Or a picture of pizza. I didn't know how that fit into fantasy football, but I don't usually think logically or rationally unless there's financial incentive.

When Betty gave me her phone, I saw that it was a text from a friend, asking if we wanted to join a couple's league.

"Of course we do!" I said, while typing out a very witty and/or extremely vulgar reply. (Betty wouldn't let me send it. It would have been classic, though.)

We did a live draft over the weekend for this particular league, which is hosted by our friends The Troutmans. We named our team Troutmania, because we love the Troutmans (Troutmen?) and we love Troutmania in general. We're Troutmaniacs.

We Tanorys came prepared to our live draft. I had my list of players ranked and organized by position, strength of schedule and team colors; Betty had peanut butter / chocolate brownies; and we both wore our football jerseys. Betty wore a pink football jersey, and I wore an LSU jersey along with my son's LSU helmet.

[Ready for our draft!]

Yes, this helmet is made for a three year old, but it fits my tiny head. Remember: it's not the size of your head that matters, it's how you use it.

[Snug as a bug on a rug, in an LSU helmet made for a child!]

At our draft, we discovered that one of the teams in our league is called Sex Panther. If you're not familiar with Sex Panther it's a cologne with the slogon, "60 percent of the time, it works 100 percent of the time!" After every pick, Team Sex Panther would spray actual Sex Panther cologne throughout the room. By the end of the night, we all smelled like Sex Panther, which meant we all had a 60 percent chance of getting lucky.

Let's just hope our team is lucky.

On second thought, just the idea of Betty watching football with me makes me think I've already won the fantasy league, even if our team never wins a game. I hope she learns to love football as much as I do... as long as she doesn't branch out and start her own team without me!

Friday, August 02, 2013

Riley Copper Seeks Counseling After Attending Kenny Chesney Concert

Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper was excused from practice on Friday in order to seek counseling after attending a Kenny Chesney concert, where he was videoed saying saying he would fight every "N word" at the concert.

"I have decided to take time away from football," cited sources familiar with the team, "and determine why, deep inside, I wanted to go to a Kenny Chesney concert in the first place."

Deploring his actions as hurtful, shameful and just plain wrong, Cooper acknowledged that there are much better acts to attend than a Kenny Chesney concert in the greater Philadelphia area.

While some teammates, such as Michael Vick, have forgiven Cooper, others are less willing to forgive. Star running back LeSean McCoy was quoted as saying, "Even though I have a last name of McCoy, which would indicate some sort of Scottish background, I'm obviously African-American and therefore do not comprehend country music of any sort. Although I'll admit that my eyes tend to linger on Faith Hill's Sunday Night Football intros."

When told that Carrie Underwood would be replacing Faith Hill on Sunday Night Football, McCoy responded by throwing his helmet on the ground and tackling the reporter.

Asked about his decision to threaten every N word at the concert, Cooper said he was joking, since no African-Americans were known to have attended the Kenny Chesney concert (since it's Kenny Chesney and most African-Americans don't listen to him or any country music at all) and therefore there would be nobody to fight.

"The only black guy I know that likes country music is that guy from Hootie and the Blowfish," Cooper said. "But you know what? F$&@ that N word, his version of Wagon Wheel sucks."

As of press time, there is no word on if Eagles head coach Chip Kelly has added any Kenny Chesney music to his playlist of music that he blasts during minicamp.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

Wind Breaker

I convinced my son to put on his PJs after his bath last night by telling him that we were going to go on a safari (with our imagination). I told him that we would see rhinos, crocodiles and hippos. But he didn't know what a hippo was, so we went to YouTube for help.

Now we know. And knowing is half the battle. Also, here is a video of a hippo projectile pooping while farting for over 20 seconds.



My son and I watched this about 20 times before Betty came in to check on us. She thought the hippo fart sound was a neighbor mowing the lawn, a chainsaw, or possibly a siren.

But after watching it 10 times with us, she now knows to stand way back from the fence when you see the hippos at the zoo.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Star Wars vs. Cars - Battle of the Mold in the Bath Toys

Pixar's fantastic movie Toy Story got one thing right: there is life within our toys.

What they failed to mention is that usually that life takes the form of mold, and it's growing in our kids' bath toys.

I only bring this up because while bathing my son tonight I squeezed a Darth Vader bath toy, and afterwards my entire evening went to crap. Usually the Darth Vader toy just does mundane things, like squash a rebellious Lightning McQueen, Boba Fett and mermaid bath toy alliance, or breathe heavily while using the force to make the shampoo squeeze out on my kids' heads.

But tonight, chunks of dark green mold spewed out from the hole at the bottom of the Darth Vader toy when I squeezed it. When I said my evening went to crap, I meant it - Darth Vader crapped mold in my tub.

After my son went to sleep, I couldn't help but start cleaning the toys. Usually I just throw them away when they get to this point, but they love their Star Wars and Cars bath tubs so much that I just couldn't bear to throw them out.

I did the basics, and here are my steps in case you want to follow them for your own kids' toys (or your own bath toys - I won't judge you):

1. Suck up hot water into each toy, shake it for 20 seconds, then squirt it back into the sink.

2. Grimace as you look at what came out.

3. Repeat 50 times per toy.

4. Pour some white vinegar into a bowl.

5. Suck it up into each toy, shake for 20 seconds, then squirt it back into the sink.

6. Place toy on a paper towel to dry.

7. Make an empty promise about "smoking the suckers out" the next time this happens.

I've read that some people place their bath toys in rice or whatever to suck out the moisture from the toys. That sounds like a good idea, but I opted to not use it because I have no idea where the rice is and I'm too lazy to look.

There are lots of other great sites, such as this and this with other suggestions, like gluing the hole at the bottom of the toys to keep moisture out, or running the toys through the dishwasher.

I'm interested in the glue idea but think Betty won't want the bath toys in the dishwasher. But since I've done extensive research on mold now that I'm about to wage war on them, I've learned that molds are obligate aerobes - meaning they need oxygen to live. So maybe smoking them out is the way to go after all. I'll let you know in about six to twelve months, when I remember that mold is growing in my kids' bath toys again.

By the way, the moldiest toy was the Sheriff from Cars. I had to rinse him out, NO LIE, 100 times. Every time I squeezed him, he crapped out more mold. I was ready to cut him open with my Rachael Ray knife and scrape him clean. The next moldiest toy was Darth Vader, and the least moldiest toys were C3PO and the Storm Trooper, probably because they are the hardest to squeeze. Just a heads up in case you own some of these toys.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Back Breaker

Betty hurt her back this past week. She can barely walk, can't sit for any length of time, and it's difficult for her to get comfortable when she lays down.

There are two stories of how she hurt her back: hers and mine. Hers is the truth, but mine is more entertaining... for now at least, until she reads this and beats the everlovin' crap out of me despite the fact that she can barely move.

Betty's version of how she hurt her back: She was leaning over to pick up our son Peter when she heard a loud pop, and then she had intense pain in her back.

My version: She had powerful visions of me in my Speedos, and arched her back so far that she pulled a muscle and possibly suffered a herniated disc, but it was so totally worth it.

Well, we know that my version is a lie because I can't fit into my Speedos anymore. Actually, that's not completely true - some of me can fit into my Speedos, but most of me just flops out of it.

Betty's mom came and stayed for several nights. Thank God! She helped with everything. I don't know what I would have done had she not come over. Probably duct tape the kids to the wall or something. I'm joking, of course! Duct tape wouldn't hold them.

Seriously, does anyone know what is stronger than duct tape?

If you have mad babysitting skillz that you want to put to the test, I will take you up on them. Just be warned - since I have been in charge, my kids have been watching a lot of Ninja Turtles on YouTube and Ninjago on NetFlix, so they're kind of experts at martial arts right now. Also, it's been raining every day and/or is too hot to go outside, so they're just about ready to explode from being inside all day for a week straight.

Actually, Betty will probably start feeling better after she gets those back muscles working while she's pummeling me for writing this, so we'll probably be OK. Then she'll be back in action!

Tuesday, July 09, 2013

The Gorgeous Michaels

If you are one of those people who feel like you're a white guy stuck in a black guy's world, then this video is for you! Courtesy of my cousins' band The Gorgeous Michaels. I take all the credit for their incredible talent.



If you can't see the embedded video, then click here.

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Happy Anniversary!

I would like to wish my very beautiful and amazing wife Betty a very happy anniversary! Thank you for loving me all these years!

Betty, I love for so many reasons. Some are big - like, you are beautiful, you're nice, and you make me feel good about myself. You've given me two incredible children and you are the greatest mom ever!

But there are a lot of other, some would say smaller, reasons why I love you. And I thought the whole world should know.

Betty, I love you because...

You have a great sense of direction. You are my personal GPS. It's not an exaggeration to say that I would be lost without you.

We're lost

You love to travel, and I love going with you! And if you weren't such a good personal GPS, I would be lost in some other city still trying to get home. Not only do you love to travel, but you are good at it - you make sure that we get to do everything we could possibly want to do, on time, under budget, rain or shine.

Little Italy

Is it a coincidence that you were born on Mardi Gras day, and that my favorite holiday is Mardi Gras?

Mardi Gras is my favorite holiday

One of the reasons why I love Mardi Gras so much is that I get to dress up. And I know that I'll always have someone to dress up with!

Daisy Duck!

Our love is so epic that Jay Melder wrote about us in his "Off the Cuff" column in the Reveille - twice.

Melderized!

I couldn't have asked for a better family to be married into. Your family is fantastic. And they're always very "hands on."

Um...

You make a sexy zip-liner!

Ziplining in Hotlanta!

You've always faith that I would one day master power tools. It only took 33 years.

Drilling machine

You are super smart. Much smarter than I am! When we teamed up for Cajun Code Fest, we destroyed the competition and even got to meet the CTO of the US Government. The following year, without you by my side, we placed a paltry 4th out of 20.

With Todd Park

For our wedding you gave me a video game controller as a gift. It wasn't just a gift of a controller. It was your way of saying that you understood that I loved video games and that you accepted that part of me. And that's why this picture of me dressed up as Little Mac from Mike Tyson's Punch Out is so special - because you put up with this crap from me all the time. I don't know how you do it. Thank you!

You made this happen

Actually, to be honest I don't know why you put up with me at all. You've got it all - good looks, great personality, can bake like nobody's business... and all I've got is enormous genitalia. It doesn't make any sense.

Thank you for nine fun and exciting years of marriage, for dating me for 4 years prior to that, and for not killing me for any of those thirteen years. I love you!

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Tanory Playhouse

Longtime readers of the blog may be shocked to find out that I have overcome my UIS (Useless Idiot Syndrome) and have actually managed to create something - using power tools, no less!

It all started when we moved to our new house back in January.

We had a swing set at our old house. It originally came from my brother-in-law's house. We swiped it from his house in the middle of the night, then set it up at my house. We just always pretended like it was a coincidence that we had the same exact one as what used to be at his house. The kids loved it and played on it all the time, and it was lots of fun.

But we sold that one before we moved, and Betty has been plotting to get a new one ever since. She's just been biding her sweet time.

Finally a deal sprung up out of nowhere, and we got a play set that was on sale at Toys R Us that was within our price range and looked like I might actually be able to put it together on my own. (By "on my own" I mean "with lots of help." We all know my limitations.)

But this year I made a New Year's Resolution that I have been sticking to: Try New Things. In the past I might not have had the confidence in myself to try to build something like this on my own, but this year my motto is, "Screw it."

So that's what I did: I screwed it. I screwed so many screws into this thing, it will never come apart.

Here is my first piece of the play set. It's the first thing I've ever screwed together (outside of some shelves that my father-in-law helped me build a few years ago). This is the rock wall that goes on the back of the play set. It's OK to be amazed by how straight all of the boards are and how evenly separated they are.

First piece done!

That literally took me two hours to build. I first had to sift through all the parts - finding the right wood pieces as well as the screws - and then I had to look at the instructions from several different angles to understand what they were trying to tell me.

Next up were the bars that go across the top where the swings connect. This took less time - like half an hour. Oh, and then another half hour to undo the thing that I had put on backwards, and then fifteen minutes to fix it again.

Second piece

Those connected to each other, then connected to another piece that holds up the end by the swing set. Here's a look at the finished piece before we hooked it onto the rest of the play set. It kind of looks kinky.

Second piece in action

I did several steps on my own, but I had a lot of help for much of the assembly. My father-in-law Jimmy helped me one night and we put together a bunch of the core pieces. Then my good friend Alex came by and helped me connect all of those pieces plus helped construct the final half of the play set.

Play House in Repose

This part eventually became the Monkey Bars. (Or as we call them, Super Monkey Bars.)

Super Monkey Bars

Not only did we have to assemble everything, but we had to stake it down into the ground. I used my brute strength to hammer a foot-long stake into the ground. I had practiced my "hammering a stake into the heart of a vampire" move for quite some time, so this wasn't much different.

Stake out!

Behold the finished product!

Cest finis!

Betty and I estimate that it took between 16 and 20 hours to put this thing together. When I worked alone, I would only work for two hours at a time. Things definitely went faster with two people. And it helps if you have help who are both strong and smart.

Powered by Us!

When I began this process I was scared that I would screw up and that this thing would fall apart while my kids were in it. But now I feel really confident in its durability - it's strong enough for four kids to be on at the same time.

Sturdy!

And now you can slide, use the monkey bars, swing, or even practice your superhero flying powers!

He can fly!

Basically, if you ever want to build your own play set, let me know because I'm now allowed to use power tools. And I will never manually twist a screwdriver again, EVER.

The kids love it!

So to everyone out there with Useless Idiot Syndrome, I'm here to tell you that YOU CAN DO IT and IT GETS BETTER! Just quit questioning yourself. Quit thinking that you can't do it. Quit thinking that it would be much more fun to go heat up some nachos instead of screwing two pieces of wood together. (Nachos and screwing wood always go hand in hand!) Believe me when I tell you that if I can do it, you can do it.

Just make sure to con some friends into coming to help you.

Good luck!

Friday, June 14, 2013

LSU Baseball Avatars

I love cheering on the LSU baseball team. The team is great, the fans are wonderful, the stadium is beautiful, and of course our team is a perennial competitor for the College World Series (CWS) championship.

Speaking of which, the CWS is coming up this weekend. I've watched the team all year, and I can't stop making certain connections in my head with the names of the players. I'd like to share that with you now, since baseball will be over in two weeks.

No. LSU Player What I think of Link to Stats
2 Tyler Moore Mary Tyler Moore Stats
4 Raph Rhymes Wraith Rhymes (a beat-boxing ghoul) Stats
5 Chris Sciambra Chris Sombrero Stats
8 Mason Katz Dr. Katz Stats
10 Aaron Nola Aaron New Orleans Louisiana Stats
17 Jared Foster Foster, Australian for Beer Stats
23 JaCoby Jones Jacoby Jones (football player) Stats
29 Nate Fury Nick Fury Stats
36 Will LaMarche Will "The" Marche Stats
38 Nick Rumbelow Nick Rumble Low; Nick Low Rumble; Nick Boom Stats
49 Brent Bonvillain Brent Good Villain Stats
58 Chris Cotton Mullet of Doom; Kenny Powers Stats


These aren't necessarily meant to be funny... they're just what I think of. Sorry to Alex Bregman, Joe Broussard, Ty Ross, Alex Edward, and all of the other wonderful LSU baseball players with bland, uninteresting names - but don't worry, I will still cheer you on Sunday at 7, but just reference you by your real names.

Friday, June 07, 2013

How to use the NSA Surveillance Scandal to your Advantage

In case you were not aware, the NSA is watching you read this blog post. What's that? You didn't directly navigate to my blog but are instead reading this on your email, Facebook or on some random aggregator that steals contents from other site?

Doesn't matter, the NSA is still watching you.

(And since the NSA is watching me, let me just clarify that none of those porn links on my browser history are mine... I have no idea how they got there. Honest!)

And if you called someone to tell them how amazing this blog post was, then you're really out of luck. Because recently it became known that the NSA (National Security Agency) is sifting through millions of American phone calls a day. They're basically spying on regular Americans, and they've been doing it for a long time.

And don't even think about wearing a tin foil hat to try to stop the government from reading your minds. See more about that here.

Obviously, lots of Americans are freaked out over the NSA Surveillance Scandal. But here's how I plan on using the NSA spying program to my advantage:

1. As My Personal Grapevine

I bet the NSA has all the juicy details on what my neighbors, coworkers and family members are doing. Inquiring minds want to know!

2. As My Personal Shopping Assistant

Hey, NSA-reading-my-phone-logs-person... do you remember when I went to the store last week and inevitably had to call my wife because I wasn't sure of what kind of tomato sauce to buy or in what quantity? Yeah, help me out, bro, I know you know this information because you heard our conversation earlier when she asked me to pick that up. It would be great if this could be a two-way conversation. Also, you probably know all the best coupons to use... could really use some TLC from the NSA on this one. In fact, did you watch anyone stock the shelves? I can't find these damn tomatoes anywhere....

3. As My Personal GPS

GPS coordinate data was made available by the government, and now the government is spying on me... so maybe we can do a mash-up here and you can tell me what the best exit to take is when I'm coming home from a trip. Please have your traffic and weather reports handy as well.

4. As My Personal Security Advisor

Any terrorists in the area? Don't hog that info for yourself! You've got my text number, let me know!

And last but not least...

5. As My Personal Prank Call Practice

Uh, maybe not. I don't want the NSA knocking down my door because I prank called a restaurant saying someone is about to "drop a bomb" in "their toilet."

In conclusion, the NSA could be the next Siri if they really wanted to be. They know that much about everyone. But instead of considering them malevolent, for the moment I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and assume (and hope) that they're using their powers for the greater good. It's not like we have a choice - nobody's going to give up their cell phones or Internet.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Happy Birthday to Peter!

This past week we celebrated my son Peter's third birthday. Happy birthday, stud!

We started the day off right - with chocolate / sprinkle doughnut holes. I had to go to two places to get them, and then I just bought as many as they had left. Didn't they know to make extra for my son's birthday!? Come on, Baton Rouge doughnutteries!

[Pic: Birthday Doughnuts!]

Oh, and yes, we put a birthday candle in them. That's how we roll at the Tanory house.

Next up on the birthday fun To Do list: Go play with Chuck E. Cheese. Oh yeah!

[Pic: Birthday at Chuck E. Cheese!]

We didn't just ride on a few rides with Chuck E. Cheese. No, we played every possible combination of child games, strategy games and games that don't even give out tickets. If it can be played at Chuck E. Cheese, we played it! Such as...

Riding with Bob the Builder! Eat dirt, Handy Mandy!

[Pic: Birthday Bob the Builder!]

We destroyed giant spiders as a family on this fun game. Peter and I single-handedly wiped out a gruesome man-eating spider species in one level. You know what they say: The family that destroys giant man-eating spiders together stays together. You're welcome, Humanity!

[Pic: The family that destroys giant man-eating spiders together stays together!]

Not to be outdone, Grammy raced Peter on a racing game. From the looks of this picture, this race was intense!

[Pic: Grammy and Peter at Chuck E. Cheese!]

Annie and Peter got into some sibling rivalry with a bout of Air Hockey. There can be only one!

[Pic: There can be only one!]

And at the end of our stay, Peter rode in on a white horse and saved the day. Classic Peter.

[Pic: Cowboy Pete!]

We weren't sure if there had been enough excitement or sugar for one day, so when we got home, Peter got a birthday cupcake.

[Pic: Birthday cupcake!]

Aaaaaand Birthday Icing....

[Pic: Birthday icing!]

OK, so that was just on his actual birthday. But over the weekend we had his birthday party. Peter's going through a Star Wars phase right now. It all started back when we lived in Prairieville, when our power was out for a few days after one of the hurricanes. We didn't have electricity but we did have my parents' portable DVD player (which I have no intention of ever giving back, by the way), and our neighbor brought over Star Wars Episode IV. (The original Star Wars movie.) They watched it twice, and Peter has loved Darth Vader ever since then.

Yeah, he's not that much into Luke Skywalker or Han Solo. But he thinks Darth Vader is a good guy. Soooo... he wanted a Darth Vader party. And Betty made sure that got what he wanted!

I was supposed to play the Darth Vader theme music when Betty brought out the cake, but I forgot. But you can hum it if you want while you look at this picture. Betty made it herself.

[Pic: Peter's Darth Vader cake!]

We also had Darth Vader cookies....

[Pic: Peter's Darth Vader cookies!]

and Storm Trooper cookies....

[Pic: Peter's storm trooper cookies!]

and Yoda cookies. Betty dyed the batter green so that she wouldn't have to ice these, which I think was a fantastic idea.

[Pic: Peter's Yoda cookies!]

But wait! There's more! How about cupcakes filled with cookie dough, then topped with black icing (representing Darth Vader, of course) and pictures of characters from Star Wars?

[Pic: Peter's Darth Vader cupcakes!]

Still not satisfied? Well, Annie and I hand-made these Star Wars-themed marshmallows using gigantic marshmallows and markers filled with edible ink. Most of them were storm troopers, but we did throw in an R2D2 and even a ninja turtle.

[Pic: Peter's Star Wars marshmallows!]

And, OK, we had lightsabers made with fruit for anyone who didn't want to eat cake, cupcakes, cookies or marshmallows.

[Pic: Peter's, uh... fruit lightsabers!]

Speaking of lightsabers, there were actual lightsabers at the party... but you had to make the "zrzrzrzr" sound while you swung them, otherwise you lost your turn.

[Pic: Lightsaber duel!]

We also had an inflatable bouncy with a slide, although it was too hot to be out in it for too long. The lightsabers made a brief appearance inside the bouncy until one of the princesses (Annie) had to call in for aerial support (Daddy) to be rescued.

[Pic: Lightsaber bouncy duel!]

There was also a lot of friends and family. Say hi to Gransy and baby John!

[Pic: Hi!]

The lighting and eating of the cake was a little hairy. Betty had worked really hard on the Darth Vader cake, but Peter didn't eat any of it or even blow out the candles. That's because the AC kicked on right as we were singing Happy Birthday to Peter, and it blew some of the candle's wax on Annie's hand. She went ballistic, as I'm sure it really hurt, and then Peter was scared of the flame. I guess it fit in with the theme of the party... to shy away from the candle's flame was to be on the Dark Side, amiright?!

[Pic: The force is strong with this one!]

Peter got a lot of great presents, the best of which was a cardboard box. All of the kids tried to pile into it. We were able to fit at least three of them in there and then close the box lid. Don't worry, we had air holes for them.

[Pic: Birthday Box!]

Peter also got some LSU clothes as well as some stuff from Jake and the Neverland Pirates, so we had an LSU / Neverland Pirates mash-up. Arrr, Mateys! Geaux hunt fer ye own gold!

[Pic: LSU / Jake and the Neverland Pirates mash-up]

At the end of the day, after everyone had left and Peter had successfully played with all of his toys, we went out onto the bouncy - just us. It was pretty pleasant.

[Pic: Mommy and Peter]

We had a great time as a family and Betty and I loved watching our two beautiful kids play. We are so thankful to have such a great little girl and a wonderful little boy.

[Pic: Annie and Peter]

Sure, he's a handful sometimes... but what three year old boy isn't? Betty still says that I'm her "third child" and that I consume most of her energy. So we'll give Peter a break if every once in a while he feels the need to throw a good old Tanory Tantrum.

[Pic: The Cuteness!]

I can't believe that my son is already three! What an incredibly fun and amazing three years it has been!

[Pic: My beautiful family]

Happy birthday, Peter! We love you!