Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Subway to Rename Sandwich Artists

Subway, the sandwich firm that popularized the hoagie diet, is set to rename the venerable title of "Sandwich Artist." In a national contest put on the by IRTBA, the polls show that most Americans think that the title of "Sandwich Artist" should be changed to "Sandwich Consultant."

Most sentiments seem to indicate that the assembly line method of producing sandwiches stifles innovation, and that most of these so-called "artists" have little or no technique. In a survey of 1,732 Subway employees conducted by the FCPA, only 159 had attended a Liberal Arts college.

Although the majority of voters agreed that the title is misleading, Neisha G. of Jacksonville disagrees. "My actual title within the company is 'Chicken Nuker.' I'm the person who puts your chicken breast in the microwave, and occasionally remembers to take it out. Sometimes I work as a cashier, where I have to wrap everyone's sandwiches. In the biz, we call that 'Wrapping the 6-inch.' We wear rouge in case a customer orders a footlong."

Being an artist is Neisha's dream, and Subway delivered on that dream... only to have it now shattered.

"It's crushing," Neisha said. "I liked being part of the vast left-wing conspiratal hegemony that was Subway. Now I'm likened to more of a Moderate. I've lost all kinds of street cred."

More to come when my informant finishes his delicious Roasted Chicken Breast Van Gogh (on wheat).


Anonymous said...

As a former "Sandwhich Artist", my artistry was supressed by the predetermined sandwhich sizes and amounts. Not to mention those pesky costumers wanting the sandwhich made "their way". I mean what happens to creativity when you start setting limits and rules, and letting others tell you how to do something. I am pleased to learn that their will now be "Sandwhich Consultants". Its about time.

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