Friday, June 09, 2006

Glazed-Coated Market Shares

I have a new marketing idea for all those donuts shops that have been hurt by the Low Carb craze: Diet Donuts.

Here's how it works: you take one chocolate-covered donut, remove half of the chocolate topping, and voila, a tasty Diet Donut. But Bob, you say, I prefer the jelly-filled donuts. Well sir, madam, or alien life form, to that I will say, only half of the donut shall be filled with jelly goodness.

What about glazed? Our Donut Artists can rub off some of the glaze before they are put in your order. This is another marketing technique: saving money by having one product capable of doing two separate tasks.

Maybe you like sprinkles. Here's where it gets complicated. You can either have the full amount of chocolate, but only half the sprinkles. Or you can just have half the chocolate, so only half the amount of sprinkles will stick.

You can tweak the recipes to fit your needs, as well as expand the number of items affected by this Diet Donut algorithm, such as cinnamon twists, bear claws, and donut holes.

In conclusion, you can eat healthy by eating donuts, as long as you follow my sound advice. And remember, eating two Diet Donuts is the equivalent of eating 1.5 regular donuts, so make sure you get a couple of boxes for the whole family or office to enjoy. Just make sure I receive my 10% finder's fee. You can address the check to my house on Lake Titicaca.


URFager said...

Even better. You could eat a dozen jelly filled, chocolate covered sprikle coated extra powdered sugar doughnuts and puke them up a few minutes later. I think there would be a net loss of calories... Oh, by the way Nicole Ritchey called for your email address!

Bobby said...

Hmm... you bring up a good point. Maybe we could dump some laxatives in the batter.