Sunday, June 04, 2006

Putting the Man in Manager

I would make a great manager because I am a man's man. Extreme manliness is a powerful force in managerial circles. Here are some examples when it helps to know your glutes from your coworkers'.

Want to take a week off for a vacation but forgot to turn in your Leave Slip? Try doing 50 one-armed pushups while you ask, and I'll see what I can do. You can try pulling at my heart-strings by showing me pictures of your children and telling me how disappointed they'll be if I don't allow you to go on vacation, but unless there's a man-eating dog in at least three of those pictures, it will all be for naught.

Interviewing for a job? Try lifting weights while answering questions. Utilizing improper techniques will cause an abrupt end to our interview. Make sure you know who the Alpha Male is in the room and act accordingly.

I will fight for you in all managerial meetings. If a manager from another department mentions your name in a negative way, I'll stand up, rip off my shirt, and start screaming obscenities at him or her. Nobody talks about my workers like that... nobody! I may even strangle someone with my tie for emphasis.

In conclusion, please remember to have your time sheet on my desk by noon. I would hate to have to put you in a Full Nelson (again).

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